I need to have more of a backbone

But I can most definitely save that for another post.

I'm so excited about my birthday plans. Catch me at Lot 46 on the 9th! I'm so juiced. I hope that it all goes as planned. Idk how I'm even gonna get the word to Yummy cuz he doesn't have his phone. Hmm.. Anyway, that's just one installment. I got my new party cam, and then I get a new phone. The Captivate Glide is what I want. Best phone for little old me. I love it. It's perfect. Samsung, duh. I need to make a checklist of what I need to bring that night. Not just for the event, but for the morning after. Seeing as I prolly won't wake up until way late.

Debating if I should still do exploratorium. We'll see about that one.

Friends

I don't know how many times I've said it, or haven't, that I don't have hella close friends. I only have a few that I can really count on.

I hate when people push their ideas on me. I hate it even more when it happens from a close friend. Where is this coming from? Welll.. I've wanted to get a tattoo. I love my aunt, and this is prolly the only relative I'd want to this for besides immediate family. I've been kinna bouncing ideas off of her, but she's like but I think it'll look better like this.. and then it's funny b/c I'm bouncing ideas off of her for my birthday and she's like.. well it's your birthday, so blah blah blah. ahaahah. I'm just confused. I know what I want to do for my tattoo, and my birthday. Now just a matter of doing. Mom's like get a job first. So I gotta get back on that. Something with more hours.

I can't believe

That I didn't blog earlier. Omgah. I'm so all over the place with my blogs.

Auntie Sweetie has passed. Last Tuesday. Her things will be thursday and friday. I'm hoping Jess will come. If anything, Katy should text me and let me know what's up. I hope she can come as well. Believe it or not, I do miss her. Granted times out have been a lot less stressful. Just get in the car, and go. No worries about baby sitting or nothing. Anyway, here's what I wanted to say about Auntie Sweetie:
I'm a happy person. But as of lately, I'm sad. Granted I'm smiling and things, but when it comes down to it, I'm fucking sad as hell. I don't feel like myself. And this is because of my aunt. She isn't here. And I never thought I would need a person this much. I know that when my mother and father, and my maternal grandparents pass, I'll be sad. But I NEVER once thought in a million years that I'd be sad over losing an aunt. I feel like she was my dad's sister, and she married somebody else that we had to like, when in actuality she's just an in-law. I can't believe how empty I feel. I need to commemorate her in some way. I just need to find the perfect tattoo.

And I'm not even sure if I let the Katy Situation be known. I really shouldn't blast it, but it needs to be noted. I love that girl. But I don't need to babysit her. I want to be able to go out, and to have fun without worrying if this girl will pass out on the floor. If she's gonna be a wet blanket/Debbie Downer. So we'll see what happens.

I need to find somewhere that is hella nice on Fridays. Because we need to do this big all weekend. Or "weekend" since we really on go out Thursdays/Fridays. Saturdays will be our day to coupon. Ahaha. That's our new hobby. Then we'll eat and shop. Teehee.

Omgah, I don't know where to begin with this. Not at all. Like, so much random stuff happened.

Goodbye SKB. We are no longer on friends terms. I don't know why any of that happened. It makes me sad thinking about it. But it reached a point where I was the only one trying. A relationship can't work if it's only based on one person trying. That's not compromising, it's giving in. And I was sick of giving in. So I guess that just ended that. I can't even say I have feelings for him. The last thing he said was "I don't think I appreciate you enough." Those words are stinging. Even worse than "I'm only on time to important things." I don't think he realizes how badly he's hurt me. And I guess he doesn't really care. There's nothing left for me to do, I've exhausted all my options. Maybe when he's ready he'll come back around.

Now for some good news.
Yesterday was HELLA fun. I saw my lbo and Beyah. Beyah is so freaking cute. Say gracias, caca. Then I raced over to pick up Jess and go to Jeff's for nightlife at the Academy of Sciences. On the way there, we ate gyros. Hella yummy though. Walked a little ways as we ate, chatted. I almost died walking on the rocks that were over there. Get in line, and there's this security guard who's super nice who tries to holla. I flirted back. He offered to buy me a drink, but we left too early. Oh, got the most awesomest sweatshirt. Revolve in Peace Pluto. Yes, b/c I'm such a nerd. So we exchanged numbers. Then it was back to Jeff's until it was time to hit up Holy Cow. Yummy ass tea though. Minus whent he teabag kept hitting me in the face when we were finishing the tea. Then we decided to roll out. Holy Cow this time was PERFECT. Well, in the sense of dancing without being angry at anybody. I saw this cute guy, Jess made me dance with him. Lasted all of six songs. And then.. I really don't even know. Ahahahah. I had two drinks at Nightlife, and a drink there. I can say there was a connection. Hmm. Anyway, turns out this guy is hella chill. As Jess says, just your type. Ahahaha. Random. Hopefully he's coming out tonight with us. Oh, there was drama at Holy Cow. Like a fight drama. So bad. That fight was intense. Ahahaah.

Now I should get ready for tonight. Gonna be a boxer. Of sorts. Meaning I'm wearing a sports bra and some booty shorts. Teehee.

Dear Mother

You shouldn't work nights, ever again because it turns you in to a super bitch. And nobody likes a super bitch. It's annoying. It makes me dislike you. You work night one day, and then you're home the next two days, sleep. Saying working nights throws off your sleeping schedule. I think that you saying that is the biggest crock of shit ever. It's annoying. And last night was the fucking straw that broke the camel's back. I bring you dinner, I didn't get paid back, not even a thank you. And then you and Joi decide to fight and BOTH of you continuously kick me in the back. And I blow up, as expected, but it's my fault, right? Like how is that even fair? You're such a dumb broad in that case. And you wonder why I'm never home. I can't stand the fights that Joi has with everybody. I'm sick of not having space for me to do anything. I'm sick of everybody bitching. I really just need one job. One thing to do.

Ketch-up?

This is personal, but alla way.

It sucks fighting with a friend. I can't, won't go in to details. But it's killing me. I need you to take as much time as you need to figure you out. I can't do what was happening in the past before. I can no longer baby you, force you to speak. I also do not want to make you do things that you don't want to do. There isn't much left to say about that situation. I love you. I will always be your friend. But I won't tolerate you being so unsure of yourself. You're an adult. We're adults.

My friends and I have such different personalities. There's the passive one, the assertive one, and then me, the aggressive one. How in the world does that happen? We compliment each other so well though. I mean, with me wanting it all and not afraid to go get it, it's nice to have a friend to tell me to calm down and to let other people approach me. It's nice to have a friend that's more shy and break them out of their shell.

This has been on my mind since Sunday night? Or was it Monday? Whatever. It's weighing heavily on my heart and soul. It's making me slightly emotional.

I'm gonna release these feelings tonight on somebody. Good or bad, whatever.

Different note, my mother has been on my case. Omgah, Jazminn do this, Jazminn do that. I'm getting annoyed each and every time she says my name. Why must I wake up at the crack of dawn to take Joi to school? What will happen when I move out? Joi will have to find her own way. I'm going to start to just say I had a sip. I'm testing the waters out tonight by not really coming home. I'll prolly crash out somewhere tonight. We'll see what happens.

I need to think of something to do for Halloween. I know there are parties Friday and Saturday. I can do both. Be HARDCORE. ahhaahah. I'm wondering if the costume idea should change. Ahh, so many random things.

By the mother fucking way, that guy has two weeks.

Rest in peace

So, my uncle died. I'm really sad. It's hard losing a family member. My family (though however dysfunctional we may be) is very close. We know to protect our own. To put nothing above one another. He wasn't the matriarch uncle, or one that I hung out with a lot, but I will miss him. It's sad to see a love one go to such a very ugly disease. Stupid cancer. It's so ugly. I'm in a sort of funk from the other day as well. I just need to let so much out, but there isn't a need to rant here. I'll talk it out in person. I have family, friends. I even have my dog who doesn't like to sit still for very long calming down and listening.

To my Uncle Junior, I love you.

My life

I think the last time I posted was when Stan and I broke up. I know, such a sad story. I figured that this is not HIS blog, so I can claim it. This is me being me without having to worry about other people or whatever.
What has been new since then?

Nothing really. I'm done with AI. Like I'm so over it. I really don't like their concept. I might go to AAU online or something. We'll see, they have an open house on the 15th.
I quit the job at Magic Princess. Ehh, not for me, and I really don't care. I have a ton of stuff though.

Mainly, I'm doing this to remind myself that I'm amazing. That even though the ONE guy that had me at rock bottom and my highest of highs took it all away for a brief second, that I can remain the amazing girl I am. I'm done grieving over the loss of my relationship. There was anything I did that was wrong. There isn't anything I can do to get it back. So in the end, I have to take this with stride.

On a good note, there are some perspectives. It's good to remember that there are other fish in the sea, even if the one fish you want is temporarily in a fish tank. Just gotta keep that in mind. Remember that Jazminn. All of this. You are awesome, and you will be happy in the end. If you're not, it's not the end.

I'm single

And I really don't want to be.

Idk when I'll be posting again. If ever.

Really?

So, this is how I feel. It's kinna unfair. No, it is unfair.

We just went through this big ass fight. Nearly cost YOU our relationship. Idk why I gave in so damn easily in the the first place, but that's a different story. Now you're gonna be gone for a week. Come home, be super tired, and we're not gonna get that much time together, cuz we have nowhere to go. So I'll get you twice. I'm not gonna say four times, b/c then I'll be getting my hopes up for no reason. And then you're gonna be leaving again to go back to Russian Lake. Um, does that sound fair to you? Of course it does, b/c then you wouldn't be doing it if it didn't. And as always, I'm just s'posed to sit here and take and not say anything. B/c that's the type of girlfriend you expect me to be. You know, maybe we should go on that break, b/c you do not have your priorities straight, and now I'm upset.

I can't remember if my work started at 1 or 2 today. So I'm gonna get ready now. Ahahaha.

This Damn Relationship

Omgah. Tuesday (yesterday, Idk what I said that) was the longest day of my damn life. So much drama, over nothing.

Woke up, kinna already in a foul mood since me and Stan were semi fighting from the night before. I didn't like the answers he gave to a certain questions I asked him, so I was just in a funk. So when he came over, I kinna was just expecting the worse. We haphazardly agreed to a break as we were talking Vasiliy out for a walk. Came back in to drop him off, then go over to the condo and clean it out. Omgah, that was a damn process. Mainly for him, b/c I just sat there and did nothing. So, Stan basically said that he wanted to take a break since he felt like we needed time to think about our relationship. He said things to the extent of we need space to see if this is what we want, to live separate lives. After a ton of crying, of me thinking that a break will only lead to break up, of me admitting that I was scared that at the end of the break that there was a chance of us not getting back together, we just agreed. After sitting in the car for an hour waiting for him to finish carrying everything out, we were on our way to eat. Sitting in a car with somebody who you just agreed to go on a break with is REALLY awkward. Like, we were sitting in the car, not holding hands, not really talking, no red light kisses. Nothing. I was in a real bad mood, obviously, since I didn't want any of this. And now we're at Sizzler. Sitting there, awkwardly. You don't know what's okay in a break. Basically we pretend we're together when we're together, but when we're apart, we act like we're broken up. Or I think that's what he was thinking in his mind. Anyway, after me eating hella random food from the salad bar, and him taking to his mother (I believe, since he was talking in Russian), he says I think we should just cancel the break. In my mind, me being a girl, my instinct was "Cancel the break, so we're just going to break up?" but I didn't let it show. I just said what do you mean, as I ate some salad. He replies with I think it'll just be awkward. Just weird. What will we do? And other things of that nature. So we were on a break for all of five minutes or so. Kinna upsetting. I wasted so much time and energy for nothing. But I guess it's nice to know where we stand now. Idk.

So after alla that, I really doubt anything will change. It's a vicious cycle that we're in. We complain of things not working, one of changes, and that's it. We really never reach a conclusion. Which is prolly why we're stuck in this cycle. I need to talk to him soon, b/c I don't think our new situation will be any better. No condo means no sleepovers. No sleepovers mean no sex. No sex means a very cranky girlfriend. Cranky girlfriend is a difficult relationship. So, I hope alla this shit works out.

I cancelled school. Maybe finding a vet school. Looking for a job. Had an interview to be a jagerette. I hope I get that one. I can do a lot with that money.

The Most Annoying Apartment Search

I don't know if I've mentioned this at all recently, if ever. I've been apartment hunting. I've been all over the bay area. I've been as far south as San Jose; as far east as Antioch. I've seen about a million places in between. In the end, it's come down to one thing. I've fallen in love with on apartment in San Mateo. I love it there. It's nice, dog friendly, no pet weight limit. I love it. It's nice, it's new. The only thing that is holding me back is my Mini Me. She wants to move in with me. No prollems there. I love her to pieces. But I'm ready to do it now. I'm tired of this house. I want to be on my own. I'm tired of the fighting with Joi. The useless errands with mom. Asking for money every other day. That's why I'm saving. I hope everything will be on the right track at the end of the year. That's my goal. I will do this. Another thing I should be doing in the mean time is looking for another job. I hope that the apartment community will have mixers so I can find friends in the area. Rambled, back to Mini Me. She needs to get a job. She has until the end of the year. And that means already have a job and have something saved. Cuz I know I have to buy furniture, w/h is no prollem with me. But she will have to pay me back for that, as she'll be on that as well. As long as dishes, untencils, and other bills like food, electricity, etc. She needs to chip in for alla that. It's not just come in with your stuff and be okay with it. I know I'll be paying more in rent, seeing as how I have Vasiliy. But that is nothing. She needs to be weary of her electric uses. Just be careful with that.

Recap from SoCal, plus updates

So, our trip was SUPER nice. Granted it was short, but it was very nice to have just that time of us alone uninterrupted. I mean, there were the times where Stan went super Mama's Boy and texted his mom after every little thing, but whatever. That's just how he is. We drove down Sunday night, got there super fast. Ate at IHOP, then found our hotel. The Springhill Suites by Marriott is by far the nicest hotel that we have stayed in. Super cheap but it was REALLY nice. Comfortable bed, kitchenette thing. Desk area. Living area. I loved the room. And our rental car was nice. A BRAND NEW 2011 Ford Focus. When I say brand new I mean it only had seven miles on it. We returned it with around 1500. Woot woot. So after we arrived and checked in, we instantly ko'ed. We woke up and then decided to go to the Santa Monica Pier and to Kodak Theater. First time going to Santa Monica Pier, and I liked it. It was SUPER small and SUPER packed though. It wasn't like the Boardwalk. I thought it would sprawl over at least a mile, and have tons of things to do. It was REALLY condensed. A few rides, but nothing worth actually riding. I do remember being called a bitch by some little ass girl. But besides that it was really nice. There were a LOT of people out fishing. I even saw these black dudes fishing. I was like whaa?? They fish? Then we decided to hit the Kodak Theater. Stupid Tom Hanks and his movie premier had the ENTIRE street blocked off. We couldn't even play with the handprints. So I guess that'll be for our next trip. We have to do Six Flags and Knotts. Maybe a few other things. Anyway, after moping around there for a bit, we went to the Disney store that's across the street that has the BEST desserts. Yum. And then we decided to go back to the hotel. Hollaaa! Showered, slept. Woke up the next day excited for Universal. Omgah, traffic in LA is a bitch. There was traffic EVERYWHERE. It took FOREVER to get there. But we made it and took off. We were everywhere. We did everything, saw alla shows. Rode alla rides. Ate tons of food that we prolly shouldn't have, but it's a vacation. You starve before it to look awesome there, and then starve after it so you can lose alla weight you gained there. Then we went to Universal City Walk to kill some time. That was also nice. Just strolled hand and hand. Saw a bunch of teeny boopers. Poor girls. Then we went to Pinkberry. So freaking good. I had watermelon with Oreos, Cap'n Crunch, and Kiwi. Stan got a cone for his first time. Caramel with mochi and strawberries I believe. And then we went "home." Another long ass drive, but worth it. Fell asleep after some time. Our last day was to the San Diego Zoo. Omgah, when you first get there and look at the map it's so intimidating. It looks so big and you don't think you can do everything in one day. But we did it all. Saw a few shows. Went on the AWESOME tour for a good 45 minutes that showed everything. I saw giraffes, so we all know how happy that made me. We ate some pretty good food. What I didn't like a/b that zoo was the shortcuts. Omgah, they were worse than walking the actual path. It had steep slopes. Crazy ass staircases. But whatever. After that for our LAST stop, we went to Roscoe's. It was so yummy. Then we came home. Super sadface. Ended our trip. G'bye SoCal. Until we meet again.

Now today I'm seeing Stan since he decided to work yesterday. I'm gonna finish getting alla my stuff outta the condo so I won't have to worry a/b it later on. Just bring my toothbrush I guess every time I go. Gotta remember my easel. NOTE TO SELF: CALL TO CANCEL ALL ELECTRONICS THERE. Make Stan pay for cancellation fees. He's renting it, but I guess it doesn't matter. My goal for today is to tell him EVERYTHING a/b how I feel. No holding back, if it starts a fight, whatever. It's not fair to me to hold stuff in b/c I don't wanna start a fight. Sometimes a fight needs to happen then.

School starts soon. No more slacking off. Promise myself. Will do this. Without a motha fucking doubt bitch.
Look for another job. Just something extra to supplement the Princess job.
Now time for a shower.

Yay, vacation

I haven't blogged in almost a month. A lot has changed since then, and really, Idk where to begin.

Congrats to my soulmate for graduating from Davis. I'm so proud of you. Beyond words. I love you so much babygirl. You inspire me. You were the first one to do it, and I hope to be the next.

Me and Stan did break up for a good two days. Had a break down, but I think we're on our way to a full recovery now. Lots of things have changed in our relationship, and I think it will definitely be for the better.

Vasiliy is listening to me. I just need to work on his pull. He is definitely getting better though.

I'm apartment hunting for me and my mini-me. It'll be nice living outside of my parents, not with Stan, but on my own enough. I don't want to be alla way alone though. There needs to be somebody there with me. And I would love it to be my mini-me. We know how to stay clear of each other enough so that we won't fight. We're both clean enough to not piss each other off by being messy.

School is still school. Idk where I'm going to go after this. Ugh. Blah blah blah.

Good news, Stan and I are headed back to SoCal. We're going to Universal and the San Diego Zoo. Stops at Pinkberry, Pinks Hot Dog, and Roscoe's. Maybe a Chinese buffet or something. There's a lot to do out there, and since we're driving, we get that added bonus! I'm definitely bring my car charger for GPS reasons. If I'm lucky we might even go to SeaWorld. That's what I really wanted to do, but maybe not. I'm bringing jumpers. Yay. I hope the weather cooperates.

Now to call some apartment places and make some scheduled visits/tours. I hope I can do the one in San Mateo today.

I guess our fire is finally burning out

I don't know what that means, but I'm in it it win it. I'm gonna stick by you and stay in this for as long as can. Though I'm not getting what I want, it doesn't mean that it's necessary for me to just give up.

I gotta feelin'

Well, it's an urge, to pee. Ahahaha.

Anyway, the talk happened. I really don't know if anything came outta it. There was an almost break up. Lots of thinking. That was the final talk. If things don't pick up by his deadline, then we all know what's gonna happen in the end. I would hate for it to come to that, but if it needs to happen, then it will. I'm not about to suffer for his mistakes. I think I've repaid him for what I've done. Now it's just a matter of the waiting game.

New quarter of school. Starting off on a bad foot cuz my dad is being Mr. Cheap Ass. He didn't wanna shell out the money for the drawing board of the correct size, so now I'm just going to get a small one. (So small that it's the SAME SIZE as my paper. Idk how that will work, but it's better to get something small than to have nothing. And then this way I won't have to be bothered with him anymore. Hopefully in the end this will pay off. I just gotta work extra hard.

My dear Jess is graduating. I can't believe it. I love her dearly. My plan is to go to both, be with her. Give Vasiliy to Stan to watch for a few days. I need the time off and the time to be with my girls. I'm hoping it'll all be hella fun.

I'm looking. Not actively, but looking. Feb isn't that far away.
I'm gonna pee. Then walk Vasiliy. Text my sissy. I should also throw on something cuz I'm s'posed to be going out for drinks or something later.

The talk

The talk is coming up soon. Super scary. I'm nervous. I'm terrified. I'm feeling guilty, but something needs to happen. I want to thank Jess, Katt, and Jeffrey for helping me last night. They made it all really come together. Just ask why, then ask why not. You can do this babygirl. Just believe.

Family. I've been spending time with Dad's side, and things are going super well. I've been offered a position in caring for my aunt and getting paid for it. I hope this falls through, cuz I need the money. We'll see. I'll go in and check on her starting Tuesday. I need to do this. And to make a copy of my key.

This quarter of school is over. I wish I had a summer break, but Idt I do. But for the long run that is better. I hope I can just stay in this swing of school and bust all of this out. I'm working super hard in perfecting my work for both of the classes. Hopefully in the end it pays off. The next class is drafting. I really don't know how that class will work. It was difficult being taught at City. Too much in too little time. And this is just six weeks. My hands never want to cooperate with me. Halfway there.

What else is there to say? Cable will be installed 2m. That'll finally make the place more liveable. If anything I'll make a copy of the key myself since Stan won't. He'll never even know I was there. 2m I gotta wake up early, take Joi to school, come back and shower. Walk/feed Vasiliy. Then sit at the condo for six hours. Oh, the boring life. I'm gonna bring alla my nail stuff so that I can at least do that while it's happening. But I need to remember to paint carefully. Or find q-tips. And a napkin for my edges. I have a cute color scheme I think too.

I guess it's time to walk Vasiliy for the last time tonight. Then change, get in the bed. Omgah, so much is going to be going on 2m. I'm soo anxious. *sigh

Hella days

I just spent hella days with Bunny. I'm sad it's all over with. I do get him back on Monday though. So it's not that bad. And we're planning a road trip. Woot woot. I gotta look into some triple a deals though. And rental cars. It'll prolly be cheaper going through them.

This quarter of school is almost done. I'm barely scraping by in Drawing, but I have a B in Color Theory. Hopefully with my final, I can pull some shit outta my ass and then it'll all be wonderful. My next class is drafting. That class I think will be super hard, but I'm ready to put in the work. Hopefully it's not that bad. Or expensive.

I need to call ATT cuz they haven't installed our cable yet. The fuck?

Growing Up

I think I'm slowly starting to move out for good now. With school and needing the space, the condo just has it. I'm getting the internet, cable, and home phone, all in my name too. Woot woot. We'll start having people over. I gotta learn how to use the ATT U-Verse remote. There's too much happening in my life right now.

I gotta make an appt with my doctor to get Vasiliy his tags. That's really the only thing that's stopping me from going alla way since now I have things to do there.

I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing with school in my life. I'm busting my ass, and I'm not getting anywhere. I'm doing better in Color Theory, but not too well in drawing. Which makes me so sad. I just can't figure out why I can't do this.

Mmkay, gonna look for my Kaiser card to call this doctor.

SKB

It's no secret that I'm going out with a pretty amazing guy. It's no secret that our relationship is VERY nontraditional. Of course we fight and bicker, but that's expected. While talking to a random guy at Disneyworld he said that at the 3 year mark, you get stuck in a rut. And I've been feeling it. It's the same routine, and I'm not one for routine. That's why I picked a career that I can manage and go outta my way to change up. I guess I'm just expecting him to step up to the plate. The thing is he's not. And it's slightly frustrating me. It's no secret that I need a lot of attention. Hell, the way me and Stan met was cuz I needed attention. Then he expects me to just be okay with all of the choices that he's made when he knows that with those choices I'm losing time with him. I'm starting to be able to accept it at least. It still hurts. I don't like not being able to have the amount of time I feel like I deserve. I don't like not being number one. I don't like making him feel like he needs to chose b/w his work, family, and me. But I think he needs to realize that in the end, he'll have to come home to me, so he should start making me happy. But all on that same note, all of this is coming from the fact that right now he's working OT when it's normally our time together. I guess he needs it, but I really don't care. I need things that sometimes he just doesn't provide. Now, alla this is stemming from the fact that I REALLY wanted to talk to Stan about something.. his ways.. but I couldn't cuz of his choice to work OT. I hate holding stuff in. I decided that since we weren't gonna have that much time together I didn't wanna ruin it by putting a damper on it by bringing alla this up. So I had to hold it in and now I gotta wait until next week to get alla this off of my chest.

On the work note.. I finished my first project. I'm done. I wiped my hands clean of it. I sent it out and now I'm waiting for a response. It was the weirdest thing. I'm glad it's done, but I'm kind of sad that it's over. Hmm.. I'm waiting for Mikey. He's like been MIA. I need that shit now. I can go and make them myself at like Office Depot if he wants to keep playing games. I'll give him a week and see what happens.

I should start my hw. After I find something I can munch on for breakfast. Then after that I'll prolly sleep. I haven't had much lately.

Reflection

Am I lucky to have this boyfriend of mine? The one that makes me go insane and want to punch him in the face? Am I lucky to have him? Am I lucky to have this guy who loves and accepts me for me, for what I've been through, for what am I'm trying to be? Yea, I guess I am.

Am I lucky to have had somebody respond to my post? Am I luck to have somebody understand that I'm girl with a good hussle? Am I lucky to have been put in a situation where I have to bust my ass through school and then try to finish this project on the side? Yea, I guess I am.

Am I lucky to be in the position where I don't have to work since my family will take care of me as long as I'm in school?
Am I lucky that my parents work super hard so I don't have to?
Am I lucky that I have a sister who annoys the hell outta me?
Am I lucky that I have a dog who for the most part is just a big slob?
Am I lucky that I can sit here on the couch at 11:30am and write this?
-Yes, I'm one lucky bitch.

I guess it's time

So, that ad on Craigslist that I posted turned out one perspective client. I'm meeting up with him today. I hope things go well and alla that good stuff. I'm going to leave the address with Stan, and Nick is going with me, so I don't have much to worry about. I think things will be good. I need to take my car to the wash and have it vaccuumed. I wonder how many quarters I'm gonna need for that.
-On the same note, I've been working with Mikey to get my business set up. I'm going to make a website and have some business cards made. I need this information to be put out there. I hope to start working harder and sooner in this field.

On a school note, I realized that I'm not taking drawing seriously, which is why I rush through it. I think now that I said it out loud and I can slow down and take my time to work super hard. I need good grades. There's no way that I can't make all a's.

I wanted to..

.. write a really long blog, but my battery will soon die. I'm going to list all of the thing I want to talk a/b so hopefully 2m I can ramble.

Katy
School
Work
Friends (overall) -maybe tie that in with Katy
Family
Stanislav
Vasiliy.

I have an interview 2m for an Italian restaurant (Barolo). I need luck. And an outfit.

So here my LONG blog begins.. hopefully.

Katy, what happened? My text may have been harsh, but you could've responded. Maybe not then, but within a few days. I haven't even heard from you. You're s'posed to be my bff, but you're not there. It makes me sad. And on the subject of friends, it's really sad how I've been losing a lot. I've realized that almost all of the people on FB I never really talked to. I'm keeping people on there that I've had actual conversations with. All of these other people can suck my ass. I've made some good friends recently as well. Jasmine and Dessa. They're some cool as chicks. Oh, I've reconnected with Miguel again. He needs to stop coming in and out of my life. That nigga. Omgah. We still have our agreement though. And it's funny how we're in the same situation. Ahaha. Of course I won't talk shit. I can't!

School, I'm reading lots now, actually focusing for this shit. I realized that the only way I can finish, is if I put in the effort. Nothing else will be handed to me with a damn golden spoon. So, I gotta work my ass off. I'm feeling better now. I just hate reading the text. It's so boring. Maybe I'll go to a Starbucks and put on my itunes and just read. We'll see when we can have this happen.

Work. Omgah, so I posted some ads on Craigslist and got a response. I'm excited. The more I can work now and get ahead in the field, the better off I'll be. I also applied for an internship in the field. I'd be happier with an internship in the field than working a minimum wage job. But we'll see. I also have an interview 2m at 11:15am. I hope I get that as a way to start saving for these vacations me and Stan have planned. The more monies I have the better. I'm going to keep on applying for jobs as well. I figure the more my resume is out there, the better chance I have of getting a job. I wonder if this restaurant will be so sadiddy that I won't even like it though. Hmm, I guess we'll fine out tomorrow.

Family... hmm. I miss my baby Demari. Now he's a big boy. He grew up too fast and I'm just not ready for it. I'm also not ready for the growing up my sister is doing. I'm not ready for any of the people I've seen since birth grow up. It SCARES me. You're s'posed to stay w/ the little sweet innocence that I can remember since day one. I'm kinna pissed at my Dad for being douche. Idk why he has to make things so complicated. Why is it okay for you to talk super sarcastically to me, but if I do the same you get butthurt? So, that's why I called you an asshole today. Ugh. Mom is going in for a surgery soon, so I'm going to be with her a lot. I think that will be a pain in the ass. She already stayed home awhile ago, and it was the worst thing. Jazminn do everything. Bitch couldn't even get up to move her car for street sweeping. Lazy ho.

Stanislav. Oh boy, where do I begin with this man? I haven't praised him in awhile. So I guess it's time. Even though we have bad days, I love him so much. I realized this the other day. It may not have been a conventional way of realizing how I feel.. but I did. And it's sad, but in the end the outcome was good. Stan will have every ounce of me that I can give him. I want to spend my forever with him. Have little Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Russian babies. Chinky green eyes. Small asian noses.  Long brown hair. It's quite sad how much I love him. How much I care. How I worry alla time when he's working. The thing I realized is that whenever we make the step to have children.. it'll be harder. I'm not only going to be worrying b/c of me. I'm going to have to worry for the sake of our family.

Vasiliy is so grown up. He's HUGE. Around 50 lbs. He's eating a 30 lb bag of food a month. Slowly eating me outta house and home. I think Stan is working with his parents so Vasiliy can stay over there every now and then so I don't have to constantly spend money on day care when I need a break. His sits are very good now. He just has a ton of energy still. I think within a year or so, he'll be tamer and calmer. I'm hoping on it.

I did it! I typed my really long post. I prolly won't have another one this long in awhile. I'm gonna walk Vasiliy at 9, then hopefully he's tired by the time ABDC comes on.

Amazing

It's amazing how much work can get done if you actually focus. I think I just need a better study environment. I think I should go out of my way and study. Do libraries have wifi? I think if I'm in a place that doesn't have TV and where I won't have access to an outlet, I should go there to study. I was studying w/ Dessa at B&N and we got a lot done. I finished ALL my assignments for that day. Now I'm home and it took me all day to do the littlest amount of work. I gotta focus. No more slacking.

I try to stay out of drama. I try to not put myself in a position where people feel the need to talk about me. But people will talk. But I can make sure that all of what they say isn't true. So to you, Cassie my dear, I haven't said anything about you. I think it's kind of wrong that you unfriended me from FB, but that was your choice. All I ever wanted to do was to push you to be successful. I want the best for you, and to be honest, I don't think you rolling around with the people you are with will help you reach your full potential. Somewhere in you, I believe there is a good person. I believe you can do great things and be truly happy. I don't think Jeff is going to get your there, nor Christine, nor Nettie. All I ever wanted you to do was to try to go back to school. Enroll in City. Get some sort of higher education. Get a job to support yourself, so you don't have to rely on Jeff and his family. In the end, do you think it's really smart to not be able to provide for yourself? This may be where you're at now, but I hope you can see that's all I wanted, and prolly what Dessa wanted as well.

Maybe I should look for a job. It'll give me something else to do.

Spring Break!!

I've had a really awesome spring break. It's the best thing being an older sister. I loved bonding with my sister on a new level recently. She's growing up, and I'm kinda sad that soon I'm not gonna always be there for her like Desiree was for me. =/

I didn't really go out with friends or anything like I had originally wanted to, but it's okay. I had plenty of fun being home with my family. I'm still kinna upset at Katy. Granted she didn't go, but she didn't text me back either. And I believe she could've. Oh well. I'll be doing more in the next few weeks with other friends.

Trips. I have the travel bug. I've realized how much I love to travel. I want to go somewhere alla time. As much as I love being around family, I dislike being home alla time. We need a family vacation. We haven't had one in YEARS. Just us family doing things, having fun. I miss it.
And similarly on that note, I wanna go places with Stan. For our half year that is coming up in August, I wanna go back to LA. Maybe to Hollywood Studios. Just for a weekend. But on the same note I should be saving monies for wedding, house, bigger trips, etc. So maybe I'll stay somewhere closer. We'll see what happens.

I'm buckling down for school. No more playing around. Get this shit and get it done Jazminn.

I think I'm done.

I'm done going out with people who aren't grateful. I was HIGHLY upset when Katy didn't want to come. Her period came, understandable, but I wanted to dance and drink. Not just dance. She could've sat down and just been DD. I needed her. Anyway, Jess showed up, went to Slim's and never came back. I was disappointed with her b/c she should've just stayed. I got chocolate wasted and had no way home. If she was there, I would've had her drive me to her house. Last night was just a really big disappointment. I'm so sad at the way things turned out. It's whatever, cuz I'm done.

Anyway, tonight, I'm going to catch a movie. Hopefully this is fun.

Blah blah blah

I've been going out a lot lately. And I think I say that like before every post now. Anyway, yesterday I went out with Jess, and we were in the Taraval area at a bar. I really wish that people didn't have $20 min for credit cards. That's irking. It makes you buy hella drinks when you don't even want to. Edgar was there.. there's no need to say what happened. Manda and her friend Teresa showed up. I was tired that night and I just had to force myself to stay awake. Blah blah blah.

I surprised visited Dessa. It was only s'posed to be a few minutes, but I stayed for awhile. I love our conversations. The shit we talk about is unbelievably funny.

2m I'm going out with my girls. Daniella, Katy, and Jess. It's gonna be super fun. Icon, Mist, or Manor West. I kinna wanna do Mist cuz they're having a theme. We'll see. I'll talk to Jess cuz she knows alla stuff. Katy will be alla our DD. She prolly isn't gonna drink heavily. We'll see what happens.

I'm saving for trips and traveling now. Traveling and wedding. I think the wedding will be $5,000-$10,000. With that, saving should be easy. Just start putting money into the savings account and never touching it. Argh.

Shoppinggg

So, yesterday I went shopping with Dessa. It was fun. I only bought shirts, kinna weird, right? So, I'm gonna get rid of the number of shirts I bought plus two to keep my closet clean. Anyway, it was fun chillin' with her. She's a chill person. I feel so comfortable around her, and we can talk about anything.

I feel a big rant coming on.. and I don't have the energy to do it. I hope I get to talk to Stan soon, b/c I really don't think it's fair the way our relationship is. It's nowhere near 50/50. The way it should be.

I'm s'posed to be going to the pharmacy today, but I'm feeling ultra omega lazy. It might just have to wait until 2m morning. I must finish this assignment due 2m, cuz I know I want have the energy to finish it 2m, if I'm going to be seeing Stan.

I like Stan's new schedule. It makes the week seems shorter, imo. I wonder if he feels the same way.

Friends are hella hard to find, and I'm happy that I'm able to have such a solid set of girls with me. I love them.

It's hooooooommmmeeeework time.

LBO Bonding!!!

I'm so happy that me and Daniella are friends again. Last night, we went out to Club Six to watch Sam perform. It was such a fun time. Lemon drops can make any girl go wild. Lemme back track. I was like half way dressed, and then Daniella sends me a text like I can't go cuz my parents won't give me the car, and I was like HELL NO. I'll go get you. I'm not a/b to be all undressed or whatever just cuz of that. So I get her, and we get there super early (surprisingly b/c we managed to get a wee bit lost) and so we just sat outside in my car until they opened. Finally inside, I saw Sam.. and yes a surge of emotions ran through me. That girl has been there for me since literally day one, since almost as I long as I have memories, Sam has been in them. And she looked good. Real cute. Her little baby face is hella adorable. Alla hugs.. anyway, getting sidetracked. Me and lbo were talking over our drinks waiting for Sam to perform and this guy across from us was PASSED out. It was soo awkward. And he was with these two other guys that were trying so hard to deny that he wasn't with them. I wasn't judging. I was hella tired as well, though Idt I could've fallen asleep there. So this one guy goes up and performs and whatever else. I didn't understand him, and didn't really try. I wasn't there for him, I was there for Sam. From what I remember, he wasn't that good. He just said a lotta shit that I didn't really care a/b. Then Sam finally performs. YAY! My homegirl KILLED it. She was hella good. And I somehow knew alla words to her songs. I was feeling EVERY one. Um, I need her songs, so I'm gonna be on a major music stalking spree to find them. "She made everyone in that place feel like a lesbian." Words of my lbo. And I believe it was true. Alla girls that were there in my opinion were there for her. The MC said that she "has more chicks that Justin Beiber." And that was sick. Her performance was good. She had the whole crowd feeling it.

Driving kinna tipsy though, not the best thing. It was super scary. Esp when I dropped lbo off at this bar. There were HELLA cops outside and I was like I'm screwed, I'm busted. But they just were telling us that the bar was at capacity and they weren't letting anybody else in. Luckily lbo got with Josh and everything was all good. I made it home w/o a prollem, and instantly ko'ed.

I missed her. I really did. I can honestly say I don't have a lot of friends. I don't trust people with my life story. And when she walked outta my life, I was devastated. I decided it'd be best to just give her space. And in the end it all worked out. Even when we don't see each other for hella long, it's like nothing ever changed. I love that about her, about us. We're some solid ass friends.

Now today, I gotta do this assignment, make a call to Chevy's (they are PLAYING with my emotions) to hopefully get this last interview, take Joi to the hair shop, and hang out with Katy tonight. Idk if lbo will be coming, but we'll see. I hope tonight with Katy is just as fun. She missed a HELL of a show. But maybe we'll do something low key. Like eat and a movie. Time to get rollin' on this day stuff.

Get it out.

Omgah, so Girl's Night Out was fun, but then hella drama came outta it. Like, Cassie and her friend were waiting on Nettie to come before they danced. I really don't see how that made sense, but I let it go, cuz I wasn't gonna let somebody ruin my night. Nettie never came, they never danced, they basically just stood along the wall for a good 30 mins., went to go look for Nettie, then came back and were like I'm not staying cuz I'm not feeling the music. Mmkay, we got there DUMB early, so of course it was dead. There were 2 different DJ's on the main floor, so yes, some songs were repeated, but is that a reason to really just go? Anyway, they just left. I'm glad I drove cuz Dessa was gonna get a ride home from them. Idk what their prollem was, but wherever that stick was it needed to be taken out. So the next day, Christine was talking hella shit a/b Dessa. And then she wanted to put my name in her mouth. I don't know you, so don't talk about me. Also, don't try to talk a/b somebody who is better off than you are. Imo, that just doesn't make any sense. Whatever. so then I read something on Twitter like SFPD cops are pigs. Um, I guess you forgot that my boyfriend was a cop. I guess you forgot that I'm in love with him and will defend anything he does or says. I guess all in all, people are just really fake. I'm not gonna deal with the two faced bitchiness. I'm over alla drama. That's hella high school, and I'm trynna finish college.

On to some good news, I might have a good job soon. Chevy's in South City. We'll see. Final interview is 2m. I hope I get it. I'm anxious as hell.

I'm gonna walk Vasiliy and get ready for my date tonight. Woot woot.

Going out

I've been going out a lot lately (as I think I've previously stated) and it's nice. It's better than staying home all day, cuz I have been doing that a lot lately. Now I'm  kinna regretting it. It's causing a lot of tension, and through it all it makes me miss SKB. He's my bunny, my boyfriend, the loml. And now I'm just tired of it all. But I'm going out again 2m. Idk how I feel a/b it. It's a girls night out thing with Cassie and Dessa, along with some of their friends. I'm a very nice person, but some people just instantly rub me the wrong way. And now I'm gonnna have to put on my polite face. And we're gonna be drinking, so I might not even be okay w/ alla this. Ugh. I hope I don't gotta punch a bitch. I'm hoping to have a really nice time 2m night. No drama. We'll see.

A letter to a lost loved one

So, there have been prollems in this relationship. I know that since we have a past that most friendships don't have. I guess it's true when they say, you can't be friends with an ex. Anyway, I've cared about you for along time. For almost as long as I've known my bestest friends. And for alla this to happen. Yes, I did leave you. But not for the reasons you think. It was late. I needed to rush to get Vasiliy. I thought leaving would be a way to make you hurry. You're right, I didn't have to come back to get you, but I care, so I did. I know you're a grown man and more than capable of getting home on your own. And for alla this to go down the way it did, I guess everyone's true colors are really showing. I really wish that there were other things I could say to you that would possibly get through to you to make this all just go away, but another part of me is a bit glad that it's over. This relationship has brought strain to my other relationships. I've had to lie to many people, I've had to put up a front. It's sad, but it's the path I chose, as to not hurt feelings. In the end, I get hurt anyway. You were s'posed to be there for me. To not hurt me. And in the end, we ended up hurting each other. Kinna sad that our friendship had to end this way.

Returned.

Omgah, Idk how I feel about that trip. A lot happened, and I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I missed Vasiliy way too much, and he got sick with worms on our last day there. I got a phone call and freaked out. I'm currently uploading alla the pictures. We went to Hollywood Studios first, then Epcot, then Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, and lastly was Downtown Disney. To sum up the trip in a few words, there was a ton of power walking, arguing over maps/directions/times, rushing to the tiny bathroom, eating out, bussing to and from places, the crazy stench that was outside of our hotel (Florida swamp smell, I'm hoping), and I think that's it. Our hotel was ghetto. I should've taken the time to realize that when we pulled up and the sign said Rama and not Ramada that our trip was gonna be on the sketch side. Our shuttle to Disney came at 845, 1145, and 1215. So if you missed the 845am one, you missed a big chunk of your day waiting around for the next one. Luckily me and Stan were really good a/b making the first one. The return times were just as bad. 545, 845, 1015. I really tried hard to make that 845 one alla time, but we rarely did. We were left sitting in the cold for over an hour a few times during our trip. Oh, it rained on our first day, and we got lovely Disneyworld ponchos. I love that word. Um, I don't wanna really get into details because if I do, I could honestly die from typing for so long. I think the trip was fun, but Idt me and Stan were ready to spend that much time together w/o any separation. I think I drove him crazy, but I know he drove me insane. We fought almost everyday over the smallest things. Ugh.

New quarter of school. I'm so unmotivated. Maybe this isn't what I should be doing..

So close, yet so far.

I'm so close to my trip, but so far away as well. A few minor things need to be booked, and I'm finally done. I have to book transportation to and from the airport. I'm so excited. Six days away baby.

I'm getting another debit card for my trip. I'm excited a/b that as well.

Vasiliy is going to his first doggy day care session. I hope he can settle in well. I can't afford to be looking for a new hotel for him. Note to self, bring vaccine papers. Dad is trying to find somebody to watch him for $150, but it's a different story. He needs more than just baby sitting. He needs to be walked, etc. I have noticed that Vasiliy has been acting kinna weird lately. I wonder if he knows I'm leaving him. I feel terrible. So bad. I don't wanna go away w/o him, but there isn't anyway I can bring him. Maybe in a few years once he's not as hyper.

I will definitely clean my room and get rid of the desk 2m. It should be a lot easier since I won't have Vasiliy in the room to be annoying.

I'm bringing a million bags with me on this flight. Gotta bring my laptop, gotta bring my purse, gotta bring my luggage. I'm thinking a/b being ghetto and sticking my purse in my luggage. I really don't wanna pay for a checked bag. But I have my lotions, so I just might have to. We'll see what happens.

I made another grown up decision a few days ago. Honestly really is the best policy.

Omgah, how could I forget them? I had an interview today. I think it went well. I was worried about my typing skills b/c at first they had me take a test that was random letters, numbers, and punctuation. I got like 12 wpm. Then I took another set of typing tests which was actually a story. It made more sense and it got me a score of around 63 wpm. I should know by tonight or early tomorrow morning if the job is mine. I hope it falls through. I need the money. And then I'll get back on track with my life.

Off to school.

So excited.

I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED TO BE GOING TO DISNEYWORLD IN 13 DAYS!! I HONESTLY JUST WANT TO GO ON THIS TRIP ALREADY. AHHH!!!

I keep checking things, making sure things are right. Seeing if there are any super hidden things that I can discover for us to do. Looking in the area of our hotel for good eateries. Trying to look at our hotel to make sure that it's clean. Looking at Vasiliy's hotel to make sure it's nice. (Btw, he's staying at the PetSmart PetsHotel in San Carlos.) I keep fidgeting. I dislike how anxious I am. I want to be there already. I wanna see alla friendly faces of Disney characters, find some hidden Mickey's, find some hidden rooms, and drink around the world! I wanna relax in a nice bed, snuggle with my boyfriend, and fight over what to watch on tv. Do my hw in  a hotel room, pay for a scanner, etc. I can't wait for this damn trip. I've planned soo much and so hard for this trip. It's ridiculous. It's insane. I wanna try new foods. Experience new things. Take TONS of pictures. I wanna fill an album full of these things. Even if nobody else views them, I want them for memory. I wanna be with the loml (that looks like a bed, and so does the word bed) for six days without worrying about his parents calling him at night. Or w/o my mom asking me to buy her a drink. Or worry a/b Vasiliy needing to be walked in the morning. So many things I wanna do. I hate waiting. I'm the most impatient person ever.

I'm getting caught up in school. Finally. I can't afford to fall behind. I gotta focus.

This weekend I most definitely will clean everything. I'll put Vasiliy somewhere so I can have more room to do what needs to be done.

Privacy

I wish that Blogger had an option for private posts. With that being said, there are things that I wanna get off my chest... but I don't wanna name names, etc.

Idk why we're not friends anymore. Don't you think that if I knew it would have upset you this much, I would've ignored it, ignored it all. You mean the WORLD to me, and I do value our friendship. I don't know what else to say. We're not friends anymore, it upsets me, but I guess that's the end. I never would've thought it would've ended this way. I'm not going to throw things in your face stating I was there for you, etc., but it'd be really fucked up. I just wanna remind you that I do love you. Even though you hate me.

Feelings suck. Esp. when you gotta hurt somebody's feelings just to make sure that you're happy. Maybe my intentions are in the wrong place. In the end, I know that I love SKB. More than words can describe. Even the things I don't like about him, make me love him in all sorts of ways. Ugh. I guess I gotta see alla these people and tell them how I feel.

Omgah, the way things work

Broken laptop, new laptop. No internet fixed internet. One house phone. No time for anything, no I'm procrastinating.

I have a new laptop. It's definitely NOT the one I wanted, but it'll do. It's definitely better than what I had. I wish I could configure a few things, maybe I'll ask Stan a/b them later. School was put on hold since I didn't have access to anything. Vasiliy was put on the back burner since Jess was in town. My relationship took a tumble and he blew things outta proportion and I don't think he ever forgave me. Not to say I'm not to blame, but maybe this is just a word of the wise. I feel like even after alla that, and how may times he's done things that has hurt me, it'd be really fair for me to just up and leave since what he did wasn't nearly as bad as what I did. Which in turn makes me feel stuck in this relationship. Ugh. Things are getting better, but it's definitely one of those one step forward two step backwards type of thing. I wish the tables were turned and he could see the difficulty and the challenges he's putting me through. It's not fair that I'm always the one being burned because he doesn't stop to think a/b things. I wasn't always in a bad mood, but you gotta realize that certain things will affect me. Ugh.

Vasiliy has a new crate, and just getting it was an experience. It's so huge. I can fit in it w/ him. There were guys there that were so trying to holla at me it wasn't even funny. "Hey mama. You gotta boyfriend?" I point to Stan's car as he's driving up to get me with the cart and the big ass box. "You wanna take down my number just in case he's not treating you right?" "No thanks. He's doing an excellent job." "Why you color blind?" "What?" "Just take my number." STAN "Go return the cart and I'll meet you out front." My goodness. Now Vasiliy has hella room.

I've decided that this week my main project is to empty the area where my desk is, remove my desk, put my dresser towards that wall, and Vasiliy's crate toward the wall where my dresser is. If it'll fit and not cover the heater. B/c I don't use that desk. And that crate is just in the way of my life. So something needs to give. I'd put it in the spot of where the desk is, but that's in front of my closest and I don't want him to shed all over my clothes. We'll see. It'll take a hope, a prayer, and some big manly hands for me to get alla that done this week.

It's seriously almost February. Not to say that as only talking a/b my trip, but that means January is over with. This month flew by. I guess with alla Joi's games, the drama I've been having with Stan, the issues with Vasiliy, not wanting to be home b/c of parents.. It's just like I really don't have time to pay attention to the time. Now, it is almost trip time. what to pack? Is it gonna be warm? Should I bring lots of skirts and dresses? Or just jeans? Curling iron? Extra hair ties? Where will my money come from? When will me and Stan look at dog hotels? There are so many little things that need to be solved before anything over this trip. I hope this hotel has wifi. And shuttle service. Though it's a mile away, after walking all day in the parks, I don't wanna walk more to get back to the hotel.

What else is there to say? Oohh cakes. Just as a reminder; you can not have your cake and eat it too, even if you have two cakes. One cake is more than enough. No other type of cake dessert can be added to this equation either. Now only to make this happen correctly. I must say, things were a lot easier before. I gotta do this, to make myself happy. I may have to hurt other people's feelings, but it needs to be done for me to be happy. Me > you. Unless you SKB.

I should really go to school right now. But I kinna just don't wanna.

Hello School

Hello AIPOD!! I've slightly missed you. You are giving me quite a big headache. I didn't think being enrolled in TWO classes would be this stressful, but surprise! It is. I have to remember what goes where for each class. I've almost posted things into the wrong class. I also have to remember to respond. This year won't be like the last. I won't half ass anything. I think my drawing skills are even a bit better, seeing as how I don't have to face anybody's critiques.

The hardest part of all of this is managing Vasiliy. I'm trying to keep him on a schedule so I can focus on my work and him fairly. He needs a lot more attention than I can give him sometimes. I hope that he'll learn how to be sufficient in a house by himself. I think with baby gates, he should be fine, since he won't be going into areas where he's not allowed. Hmm, maybe I should invest in those. It'll be a lot easier at the condo, imo, since it's cleaner, and there aren't a million things on the floor. I just gotta get his paperwork. Ugh.

I need a job. Yesterday. I'm not going to give up. This will suck, hella bad.

It's really 2011

2011 is very difficult to say. It doesn't roll off your tongue like other previous years. Anyway, some things have changed, some thing haven't. Where to begin?

My Adventures over the Break were unbelievable. Thanks to my soul mate, Jess, she made everything a blast. From random house functions, to hotel parties, to clubs and bars, we had a blast together. I spent a lot of time drinking, enjoying the perks of being 21. I had a really nice time with friends during the past few weeks. It was a sad day in my life when she left. I made some new friends, reconnected w/ old ones, and got rid of a few as well. The quotes from the break would have to be "But my tank top!", "My car seat is broken!", "Wait, why did we do that?" and "She can have one more drink." It was fun. I wish Jess was done with school so we could continue w/ our adventures.

Katy was in Taiwan so she missed out on a lot of these adventures, but I'm sure she had fun. She had to have fun. She only called me once. I missed her terribly, but she is back in the country, so I gotta fill her in on alla these things. And I'll break her in to be a wing girl. She doesn't have to do much, just be there so I can go out. Ahahah.

My relationship with Stan has been rocky and I don't know why. I think after that long talk we had, we were good, but then... somehow something changed. I need more from him. It's obviously not going to happen anytime soon, even though I want it. I want a lot of things, but wanting alone won't change anything. I've been trying to actually work for what I want, but it's not happening. It seems like the harder I want something to happen, the more it backfires on me. Whatever is happening, I'm trying to change it. Over this break, I've realized I love him, and that I want him more than anything else in the world. I'm committed to him like no other, and it scares me, just a little. I made a grown up decision, and I'm proud of myself. So, he has a year left, as I think I mentioned before. I really hope something comes outta this year. And on a good note, our three year anniversary is next month. I'm super saving from here on out, gotta make sure I don't spend anything for anything cuz I need it all for the trip to Disneyworld. I'm so excited. Flight booked, room booked, itinerary planned, day by day, park by park. Down to where we should eat. I'm so excited for everything this trip. Six days, just with each other. I think we need this. It should shape our relationship tons. I gotta find my camera, b/c there's gonna a ton of things that I wanna take pictures of. I honestly can't stop cheesing super hard over this trip.

I've been spending time with Daniella and baby Beyah (who's officially one today! Happy birthday Beyah) and they're a cute pair. I can see how happy Daniella is when she looks at Beyah, and even though there is a ton of drama b/w Daniella and Noel, I'm glad to have Beyah's cute self. She's looking a LOT more like Daniella now. Yay!

My first quarter at AI is done and I'm happy with that. I wish I had a better laptop, and that I wasn't forced to use this. I'm trying to save alla my efforts and not use what little things I have just in case I have to redownload it, but it seems like I might just be stuck with this piece of junk. I didn't get the laptop I wanted for Christmas, which makes me sad. I really wanted it for school. I was talking a/b getting this laptop for the longest time, and didn't get it. Joi got her Wii, I got... a case for my Nook that Stan bought me. Ugh.