This Damn Relationship

Omgah. Tuesday (yesterday, Idk what I said that) was the longest day of my damn life. So much drama, over nothing.

Woke up, kinna already in a foul mood since me and Stan were semi fighting from the night before. I didn't like the answers he gave to a certain questions I asked him, so I was just in a funk. So when he came over, I kinna was just expecting the worse. We haphazardly agreed to a break as we were talking Vasiliy out for a walk. Came back in to drop him off, then go over to the condo and clean it out. Omgah, that was a damn process. Mainly for him, b/c I just sat there and did nothing. So, Stan basically said that he wanted to take a break since he felt like we needed time to think about our relationship. He said things to the extent of we need space to see if this is what we want, to live separate lives. After a ton of crying, of me thinking that a break will only lead to break up, of me admitting that I was scared that at the end of the break that there was a chance of us not getting back together, we just agreed. After sitting in the car for an hour waiting for him to finish carrying everything out, we were on our way to eat. Sitting in a car with somebody who you just agreed to go on a break with is REALLY awkward. Like, we were sitting in the car, not holding hands, not really talking, no red light kisses. Nothing. I was in a real bad mood, obviously, since I didn't want any of this. And now we're at Sizzler. Sitting there, awkwardly. You don't know what's okay in a break. Basically we pretend we're together when we're together, but when we're apart, we act like we're broken up. Or I think that's what he was thinking in his mind. Anyway, after me eating hella random food from the salad bar, and him taking to his mother (I believe, since he was talking in Russian), he says I think we should just cancel the break. In my mind, me being a girl, my instinct was "Cancel the break, so we're just going to break up?" but I didn't let it show. I just said what do you mean, as I ate some salad. He replies with I think it'll just be awkward. Just weird. What will we do? And other things of that nature. So we were on a break for all of five minutes or so. Kinna upsetting. I wasted so much time and energy for nothing. But I guess it's nice to know where we stand now. Idk.

So after alla that, I really doubt anything will change. It's a vicious cycle that we're in. We complain of things not working, one of changes, and that's it. We really never reach a conclusion. Which is prolly why we're stuck in this cycle. I need to talk to him soon, b/c I don't think our new situation will be any better. No condo means no sleepovers. No sleepovers mean no sex. No sex means a very cranky girlfriend. Cranky girlfriend is a difficult relationship. So, I hope alla this shit works out.

I cancelled school. Maybe finding a vet school. Looking for a job. Had an interview to be a jagerette. I hope I get that one. I can do a lot with that money.