Today was a good day. As most Monday's are. But Stan being so tired just ruined it for me. Then we got into another HUGE fight over something. I completely changed what I wanted for him, for us, so we can be together. And he couldn't even accept it. It simply wasn't enough. I just want to make him happy. He doesn't see it, and that hurts, it hurts really bad. I cried, I always cry. I cry so much, and I'm sick of crying. I have not EVER wasted so many tears on a guy. I shouldn't have cried. I shouldn't have let it escalate, but it was too late. Too many emotions were already involved in that argument for me to ignore it. In the end, I guess it worth it. We reached an agreement, but it felt empty. It felt empty b/c he had to go. We couldn't fully complete our talk, since his mind was already somewhere else. I just wanted some time to be together so we could REALLY get over it. But we couldn't even do that. I'm at a breaking point in this relationship. He needs to do some giving EMOTIONALLY instead of just physically. I need to be shown that I'm loved, not just told. I'd like to get small things... but I don't wanna get into that right now either. That would be a whole new argument, w/h we've already had SEVERAL times. I just need you to listen to me, do you get that Stan ? I say things, and I'd like to be acknowledged. I like to have questions answered with words, not just a different question. I'd also like your input on things. Either way, I meant what I said. You're VERY welcome.
Now, I had that job interview today. It was cool. I'd like it there. The guy who interviewed me, Ron, he was HELLA cool. I felt a good connection. I felt like the interview me and him lasted longer than the other one he had with the Asian kid before me. I'll know by the end of the week if I have the job. I SERIOUSLY hope I do. I'd feel REALLY good about this. He's a REALLY good guy, and this job seems like something I'd love to do. Really easy and smooth.
I have to do this book review for my online final. It should be a breeze. I mean, how hard could it be ? Just go over the book. What I like & don't like. Recommendations. All done. Omgah, today I felt SO stupid in math. I remembered right before I left home that we had a test. I got to class, and the Filipino with the weird neck was like, it's only on chapter 8, right ? And so I followed his lead and was studied chapter 8 before the test. When the Russian teddy bear teacher came in, he passed out the test. What was on it ? CHAPTER MOTHA' FUCKIN' 10 ! Why Jesus ? Just why ? I remembered how to do a lot of the stuff that was on there, hella lucky. But some of the stuff, I just drew blanks on. I wanted to cry. I seriously did. But once I actually took the time to go over the problems that were listed, I saw that I could actually do the majority of them. I felt REALLY good about myself. I did that whole test with NO cheat sheet. I'm proud. Yay me ! I don't need you to be proud of me, either. 2m is part one of the test, which will be chapter 8. So I'm all set. I'm going to try to get there a bit early so I can finish my hw and turn it in. And after that test, I have an appt with the interior designer person at City, something Regino at 9:00 a.m. I hope to hear that I'm taking alla right classes and that I'm on the right track. That's what I HOPE to hear, but I doubt it. I feel like I'm gonna be stuck at City longer than I wanna be. But it's nobody's fault but my own. I just hope to finally hear some good news in my life. And I plan on going back to the gym. Ugh, I REALLY don't want to. But whatever. Nothing else to do. It should help me get over this if the sleep doesn't do it on it's own.
I need to figure out this money situation. Badly. I hope I get this job.
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