City College
I'm super slacking at City. Like, it's reached the point to where I think that whatever I do doesn't really matter since I'm already in art school. I should still try, try my hardest. I'm getting a bunch of C's. I mean it's passing, but I know I could do better.
Art school
These people are like seriously wasting my time. I send in one thing, and they tell me something a/b it isn't right. I gotta fix it. Now somebody lost my something and I have to retake this thing, again. I seriously hope not though. It was a test that I just pretty much guessed on.
Work
I should start looking for something more stable, b/c $400/month isn't exactly cutting it. It should, but I'm buying tons of things. Rink is starting up again. I gotta go so I can save for Orlando. Hopefully I get that room I like since it's by Westin and Stan still has his connections.
Puppy
He's getting better. No more one hour, now it's like two hours, maybe 3. Sometimes I just put him in the crate, esp if I want some alone time. He's getting big already. I just wish Stan would help me more than he does b/c it's hard and tiring.
Relationship
Oh Stan, why must you make things so complicated? Just help me. Yes, you have to spend time with me. I'm your girlfriend. You shouldn't have agreed to be with me if you wanted to be lazy.You don't have time for your family? Sacrifice your sleep. Ugh.
Friends
I miss my LBO. Where are you? I'm spending time with W3 soon cuz there's a concert in Davis.Woot woot.
Thursday, October 28
Thursday, October 21
Yay
So, I have tons of good news. I have a new puppy, Vasiliy (Vah-sill-ee) a mix of Shepard and Chinese Shar Pei. He's such a cutie. He's a handful though. And kinna has mood swings. He's only 3 months so he's gnawing on EVERYTHING he can fit in his mouth. House training is difficult. I hope that he doesn't get stuck on this one hour schedule though. We try to take him out every hour or so to pee and poop. But sometimes he just doesn't do it. My body can't handle alla these walks. I'm a lazy SOB. Ahahaha. Walking for like around 4 hours everyday isn't very nice on my body. I also have a new car, a Prelude. I finally got it after awhile of begging and pleading with the parents. It's giving me a bit of a headache though b/c outta nowhere it's giving me a lot of minor problems. Hopefully they'll all go away. I'm also in the process of getting a new laptop for school, b/c I'm accepted in AI. I also think my financial aid will be massive. Holla.
What else is there that I need to emphasize in my life? Where are my friends? I miss alla you.
What else is there that I need to emphasize in my life? Where are my friends? I miss alla you.
Sunday, October 17
Disputes > Arguments
So, I'd like to think that disputes are little talks that you have over a matter that you feel very strongly about, but your tone remain calm, while in an argument, you're screaming, yelling, ect. I'd like to think that me and Stan have more disputes than arguments, but I'm not that sure.
So, me and Stan had a big blow up Friday night. It caused a lot of tension and made sleeping very difficult. We woke up and I thought it would be over, but Stan just wanted to hold on to it. I really don't remember what even started the whole thing, but it was something big, obviously. So then we just kinna swallowed our pride and we went to our houses to get things and then drive to Gilroy again for the wedding. We checked in to our hotel room where I think everything became alla settled. Got ready and then headed over to the wedding. I sat in the first row for Chris. I have no idea why none of his family came besides his sister, but I'm glad I represented for him b/c I love him like a brother and truly do wish him and Ellen the best. Me and Stan danced a bit and then we left and headed back to the hotel where we talked some more and ko'ed pretty damn early, imo. We woke up, had some free breakfast, packed up, checked out, and came back home to look at some puppies. Yay. We agreed on this dog, Chinese Shar-Pei/Husky/Shepard Mix. It's gonna be a pretty big dog, and that's definitely not what I wanted, but maybe I'll learn to like big dogs. But I'm definitely getting something smaller down the line. I then took Stan home, and I came back home to sleep. But I didn't b/c I had to talk to dad a/b going in and seeing the dog, and then getting a car, w/h I don't think I'm going to get. Ugh.
The wedding was sooo amazing. I'm so happy to have been a part of something so splendid and gorgeous no matter what me and Stan were going through. I saw some of the cutest and funniest pictures of the two of them from once upon a long time ago. They both cried, so I cried. I think Stan teared up a bit. Nick's speech was perfect. He edited and ad-libbed well.The music was perfect, the weather was just tolerable (until it started to sprinkle), the food was good. Everybody was happy.
This dog is going to be hell. Omgah. It's so cute now cuz it's small. Once it grows it's going to be a different problem. I know Stan doesn't want something small and bitchy, but I don't want something big and husky that you can't bring everywhere. I hope he understands where I'm coming from, b/c I get where he's coming from.
I have to cancel my hair appt. I might just wash my own hair for now since it's sprinkling now anyway, and I'm getting this dog. Omgah, the timing just wouldn't be nice.
So, me and Stan had a big blow up Friday night. It caused a lot of tension and made sleeping very difficult. We woke up and I thought it would be over, but Stan just wanted to hold on to it. I really don't remember what even started the whole thing, but it was something big, obviously. So then we just kinna swallowed our pride and we went to our houses to get things and then drive to Gilroy again for the wedding. We checked in to our hotel room where I think everything became alla settled. Got ready and then headed over to the wedding. I sat in the first row for Chris. I have no idea why none of his family came besides his sister, but I'm glad I represented for him b/c I love him like a brother and truly do wish him and Ellen the best. Me and Stan danced a bit and then we left and headed back to the hotel where we talked some more and ko'ed pretty damn early, imo. We woke up, had some free breakfast, packed up, checked out, and came back home to look at some puppies. Yay. We agreed on this dog, Chinese Shar-Pei/Husky/Shepard Mix. It's gonna be a pretty big dog, and that's definitely not what I wanted, but maybe I'll learn to like big dogs. But I'm definitely getting something smaller down the line. I then took Stan home, and I came back home to sleep. But I didn't b/c I had to talk to dad a/b going in and seeing the dog, and then getting a car, w/h I don't think I'm going to get. Ugh.
The wedding was sooo amazing. I'm so happy to have been a part of something so splendid and gorgeous no matter what me and Stan were going through. I saw some of the cutest and funniest pictures of the two of them from once upon a long time ago. They both cried, so I cried. I think Stan teared up a bit. Nick's speech was perfect. He edited and ad-libbed well.The music was perfect, the weather was just tolerable (until it started to sprinkle), the food was good. Everybody was happy.
This dog is going to be hell. Omgah. It's so cute now cuz it's small. Once it grows it's going to be a different problem. I know Stan doesn't want something small and bitchy, but I don't want something big and husky that you can't bring everywhere. I hope he understands where I'm coming from, b/c I get where he's coming from.
I have to cancel my hair appt. I might just wash my own hair for now since it's sprinkling now anyway, and I'm getting this dog. Omgah, the timing just wouldn't be nice.
Tuesday, October 12
Last Straw
Where did that saying come from? What was somebody doing that they had to make the last straw have such a strong emphasis?
So, Stan and I have restarted our relationship. It's on our last leg. It's actually a kinna scary feeling. I'm really hesitant to have even done that, but I love him way too much to just let him go all that easily.So, we're attempting to work things out, for the last time. If somehow things don't go right in the way I expect them, I'm going to just be done with it, be done with it all.
-So Sunday night, just went over to the condo, I wasn't all that hungry, so we didn't really eat. We just watched some Criminal Minds and then we eventually ko'ed. Stan wakes up around 4am and starts playing video games. Wtf, right? So I kinna ignore it and sleep s'more until 9ish. I get a hot dog for breakfast. Yummy. Then we get dressed and head to the pet store to look at dogs. I really want that Munchkin, but I doubt it'll happen b/c dogs are REALLY expensive. $800. But I fell in love with it. Or I'd like a shih poo. Those are also very cute dogs. I want a mixed breed, but nothing mixed w/ chihuahua b/c those are some annoying mofos. So we were gonna go to Maddie's and then the Humane Society, but they were both closed. So we then went to Jamba Juice, I got a Pink Star and I ordered him a White Gummi, and then we drove to Twin Peaks. Chilled there for a bit, then we decided to take a drive through the Presidio, where we had an impromptu quick tour of the Walt Disney Family Museum. Ahahah. Then we went to Tanforan b/c Stan wanted Starbucks, and then we walked around there for a bit, when I was trying to find a dress to wear for the wedding. Omgah, that's gonna be mission impossible. So then we went to Chilli's for dinner, where we ordered. We ordered our food, then since we had time to kill, decided to go over to Spirit to see some cute Halloween costume ideas. There were a few cute ones, but Idk if I'm even going to be doing something for Halloween, so I'm not really gonna go out and buy something just for the hell of it. Once our food was ready we went over to Nick's house, ate, watched some of our shows, and then Stan ko'ed. Poor baby was just really tired. So there was a tuss there, and so we left on a sour note, but we talked it out.
I'm almost fully accepted in Art School. I need to find s'more money b/c I know that I'm not going to be able to afford it with just the substantial funds that I can get from just financial aid alone. My only worry is that I might have to take out a loan or something. I really don't want to get a loan b/c I don't want to have to pay something back later on in life. That's insane.
The car thing is happening, slowly. I just wish it would happen faster.
I also need to improve on this job situation. I wanna hopefully get something real after this semester is done at City since I'm going to be free a lot.
I want a puppy, badly.
So, Stan and I have restarted our relationship. It's on our last leg. It's actually a kinna scary feeling. I'm really hesitant to have even done that, but I love him way too much to just let him go all that easily.So, we're attempting to work things out, for the last time. If somehow things don't go right in the way I expect them, I'm going to just be done with it, be done with it all.
-So Sunday night, just went over to the condo, I wasn't all that hungry, so we didn't really eat. We just watched some Criminal Minds and then we eventually ko'ed. Stan wakes up around 4am and starts playing video games. Wtf, right? So I kinna ignore it and sleep s'more until 9ish. I get a hot dog for breakfast. Yummy. Then we get dressed and head to the pet store to look at dogs. I really want that Munchkin, but I doubt it'll happen b/c dogs are REALLY expensive. $800. But I fell in love with it. Or I'd like a shih poo. Those are also very cute dogs. I want a mixed breed, but nothing mixed w/ chihuahua b/c those are some annoying mofos. So we were gonna go to Maddie's and then the Humane Society, but they were both closed. So we then went to Jamba Juice, I got a Pink Star and I ordered him a White Gummi, and then we drove to Twin Peaks. Chilled there for a bit, then we decided to take a drive through the Presidio, where we had an impromptu quick tour of the Walt Disney Family Museum. Ahahah. Then we went to Tanforan b/c Stan wanted Starbucks, and then we walked around there for a bit, when I was trying to find a dress to wear for the wedding. Omgah, that's gonna be mission impossible. So then we went to Chilli's for dinner, where we ordered. We ordered our food, then since we had time to kill, decided to go over to Spirit to see some cute Halloween costume ideas. There were a few cute ones, but Idk if I'm even going to be doing something for Halloween, so I'm not really gonna go out and buy something just for the hell of it. Once our food was ready we went over to Nick's house, ate, watched some of our shows, and then Stan ko'ed. Poor baby was just really tired. So there was a tuss there, and so we left on a sour note, but we talked it out.
I'm almost fully accepted in Art School. I need to find s'more money b/c I know that I'm not going to be able to afford it with just the substantial funds that I can get from just financial aid alone. My only worry is that I might have to take out a loan or something. I really don't want to get a loan b/c I don't want to have to pay something back later on in life. That's insane.
The car thing is happening, slowly. I just wish it would happen faster.
I also need to improve on this job situation. I wanna hopefully get something real after this semester is done at City since I'm going to be free a lot.
I want a puppy, badly.
Saturday, October 9
Relationships
Relationships are something that you need to work on. Whether they are with friends, family, significant others, on the professional level, teachers, whatever. You need to work to gain trust and respect, and you must work even harder to maintain that. Some people just don't want to work on their shit anymore. If you don't want to work, be courteous to those people who once had a relationship with you and tell them so you aren't stringing them on and having them continue to work when you just want to be lazy.
Where is alla this coming from? Where else, my relationship with Stan. He broke yet another promise. And for some reason, I didn't just end it like I said I would. But this is seriously it. I'm reaching a point of no return. If he breaks another promise, I will be done with him, with the heartbreak, with it all. I have it in writing now, so it's there. I gotta stick to my guns. If Stan's not willing to be real with me, I gotta be real with myself. We talked a bit this morning, and we semi solved some stuff. He doesn't wanna break up with me, but his actions are saying the exact opposite. He's pushing me away and he has no idea why. He wants to live his life like a "normal" 20 something would be. But he has to understand that he is not a normal 20 something anymore. He decided to be a cop and to have a career that would age him faster than he expected. He wants to be normal, then he needs to have a normal schedule. You can't expect to be normal if nothing around you is normal. Dear god, I'm the only thing constant he's had during alla this and he neglects me. I was there when his own parents didn't approve of his decision. I'm just done. I shouldn't cry every time I think of him. I shouldn't have grown used to broken promises. I'm over this. You gotta be strong baby girl. For yourself.
Now to find cars. There are some prospects today for two Miatas which I'd rather have. Then there's also a Geo tracker. I should get dressed. Ugh.
Where is alla this coming from? Where else, my relationship with Stan. He broke yet another promise. And for some reason, I didn't just end it like I said I would. But this is seriously it. I'm reaching a point of no return. If he breaks another promise, I will be done with him, with the heartbreak, with it all. I have it in writing now, so it's there. I gotta stick to my guns. If Stan's not willing to be real with me, I gotta be real with myself. We talked a bit this morning, and we semi solved some stuff. He doesn't wanna break up with me, but his actions are saying the exact opposite. He's pushing me away and he has no idea why. He wants to live his life like a "normal" 20 something would be. But he has to understand that he is not a normal 20 something anymore. He decided to be a cop and to have a career that would age him faster than he expected. He wants to be normal, then he needs to have a normal schedule. You can't expect to be normal if nothing around you is normal. Dear god, I'm the only thing constant he's had during alla this and he neglects me. I was there when his own parents didn't approve of his decision. I'm just done. I shouldn't cry every time I think of him. I shouldn't have grown used to broken promises. I'm over this. You gotta be strong baby girl. For yourself.
Now to find cars. There are some prospects today for two Miatas which I'd rather have. Then there's also a Geo tracker. I should get dressed. Ugh.
Thursday, October 7
Do Work.
Where did Big go? He needs to come back b/c Rob&Big was the stuff.
Anyway, I'm doing a lot of work now for AI. I really wanna get in. I've filled out my FAFSA, w/h will hopefully give me lots and lots of money. I need alla monies I can get for this school. I'm so excited. I should ask Angela when I'm going to be notified of my acceptance, or lack there of. I have under a month to change my mindset. Omgah.
So, to real working. I need a job. I love working for Rusty at USF and Stanford, but I need something that'll pay me bigger bucks. Something that also has more stable hours. Ohh, I'm going up to see Rusty 2m for a little bit around 930am to get my uniform and he wants to talk.. I'm kinna nervous. Maybe I should block Twitter. Ehh, I'm not going to do that. Maybe I'm hyping myself up. It's probably nothing.
Working on getting a car.. is still mission impossible. Argh, my life. I want a car. I should text this prelude guy again. See how low he's willing to go on the car. Dad is going to take me to view some cars in the day on Saturday, so I'm "giving up" time with Stan, but Idt we were gonna do much that day anyway. Whatever, we'll see.
I'm also working on fixing this relationship I have with Stan. My whole thing is that I don't feel the same way I once did. I used to get really excited about seeing him, and after being let down so many times, now I'm just numb to it. I just wait around until he says we're gonna go out, and then go from there. I'm just at a point where now I'm skeptical. Of everything. It needs to be fixed otherwise this relationship will be difficult.
Anyway, I'm doing a lot of work now for AI. I really wanna get in. I've filled out my FAFSA, w/h will hopefully give me lots and lots of money. I need alla monies I can get for this school. I'm so excited. I should ask Angela when I'm going to be notified of my acceptance, or lack there of. I have under a month to change my mindset. Omgah.
So, to real working. I need a job. I love working for Rusty at USF and Stanford, but I need something that'll pay me bigger bucks. Something that also has more stable hours. Ohh, I'm going up to see Rusty 2m for a little bit around 930am to get my uniform and he wants to talk.. I'm kinna nervous. Maybe I should block Twitter. Ehh, I'm not going to do that. Maybe I'm hyping myself up. It's probably nothing.
Working on getting a car.. is still mission impossible. Argh, my life. I want a car. I should text this prelude guy again. See how low he's willing to go on the car. Dad is going to take me to view some cars in the day on Saturday, so I'm "giving up" time with Stan, but Idt we were gonna do much that day anyway. Whatever, we'll see.
I'm also working on fixing this relationship I have with Stan. My whole thing is that I don't feel the same way I once did. I used to get really excited about seeing him, and after being let down so many times, now I'm just numb to it. I just wait around until he says we're gonna go out, and then go from there. I'm just at a point where now I'm skeptical. Of everything. It needs to be fixed otherwise this relationship will be difficult.
Tuesday, October 5
Pain.
Mmkay, so today was a busy day. I went to Geo, got my test back, saw my class grade, and I'm satisfied with it, but I know that there's more I can do. I wanna work through this and bust my butt off to get a good grade in this class. Then I had to rush over to donate blood. I ate McDonald's since it's a way I can cheat around my iron poor blood to donate. It turns out that there is no way that I can donate blood until I'm 23 unless I gain 8 pounds b/c I need to be at LEAST 135 to donate until I'm 23. Wtf ? Who has heard of such a thing? So, I got pricked (which is the worst part of donating, imo) for no reason. Then I came back home to talk to Angela (my admissions adviser for Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online Division. I sat down and talked with her for a/b 90 mins and got a lot of information. I took a tour of the school, and officially applied. I'm going to work on my FAFSA and alla the other financial aid components on Thursday with Angela and she'll also give me a name and contact info for my financial aid adviser. And then after alla that, I went to a doctor's appt. I haven't seen my doctor in forever it seems. It went well, just talking a/b the accident and my vertigo that seems to be never ending. I hate this shit. And then I got a flu shot. Boob. I came back home, and got a voicemail from Bert to say I have to give back the rental on Saturday. Which means I need a car. I've been staring at this Prelude and I hope if I can talk this guy down a few grand that I'll get it. The car is nice, but it has a salvage title, and has a new engine, but who's to say it's not a hot engine. So, with alla that being said, there could be something good in alla this.
I wonder if/when I'll be notified a/b the application process. I hope I get accepted. I REALLY want this. If this happens, I'm done with City after this semester. I can't wait. The program starts 11/11. What, I should make a wish. Ahahaa. Anyway, if I'm in, I'll be enrolled in two schools for about two months. So I'm gonna have to figure out how to make alla that work. What I do love a/b this school is that after a year I can find employment and still continue to go to school. I have to print, scan, and email this thing. Does Kinko's have a scanner? I really hope so.
I work 2m, so I'm going to skip night class. It's just this one time. It's my third class I've missed, but I'm not missing a lot of work. This is the only assignment I'm going to miss, and I really don't care too much for these group things, so it's not that big of a deal, to me anyway. Work should be fun. It's my first time at USF, so I'm gonna learn a lot of new things, I hope. And alla this means that I can't go see the puppies, so maybe I'll talk Stan into going on Thursday. And Idk when I'm gonna see him again, besides that. It's really such a drag to have this feeling. To not look forward to seeing him. Omgah, who knew relationships would be so difficult?
I wonder if/when I'll be notified a/b the application process. I hope I get accepted. I REALLY want this. If this happens, I'm done with City after this semester. I can't wait. The program starts 11/11. What, I should make a wish. Ahahaa. Anyway, if I'm in, I'll be enrolled in two schools for about two months. So I'm gonna have to figure out how to make alla that work. What I do love a/b this school is that after a year I can find employment and still continue to go to school. I have to print, scan, and email this thing. Does Kinko's have a scanner? I really hope so.
I work 2m, so I'm going to skip night class. It's just this one time. It's my third class I've missed, but I'm not missing a lot of work. This is the only assignment I'm going to miss, and I really don't care too much for these group things, so it's not that big of a deal, to me anyway. Work should be fun. It's my first time at USF, so I'm gonna learn a lot of new things, I hope. And alla this means that I can't go see the puppies, so maybe I'll talk Stan into going on Thursday. And Idk when I'm gonna see him again, besides that. It's really such a drag to have this feeling. To not look forward to seeing him. Omgah, who knew relationships would be so difficult?
Sunday, October 3
Working thorugh it, literally.
So, I work again today, w/h I so oh desperately need to do. I mean, since me and Stan's big fight, I haven't really seen or heard from him besides the usual few sparatic text massages. I've been out with my girls yesterday, we went shopping, and Katt came over the night before last, once alla the drama started to go down. I really love them for having my back during times like these, b/c I honestly don't know where I stand in this relationship anymore. I've been pushed so far back that now, I'm actually apprehensive a/b making any more steps forward. I know that there is a list of things that I wanna tell him, and I hope they all come out okay and at the right time.
So, today I have work, but I'm confused b/c I'm scheduled to work at both Standford and USF. Wth? I remember a conversation I had with Rusty a/b what to do if I'm scheduled to work two places at once, and he said that USF takes precedence. So, I'm gonna work my first shift there today. I hope I don't mess it up. It is soccer, and I'm pretty okay with soccer at Stanford, where it's a bit more challenging writing down subs and blowing the horn ourselves. I just gotta text Rusty this morning to make sure I have the uniform right, and that he knows I'm going to the game at USF. Brian will be at the Standford game, but I just wanna be sure. Then after this day of work, I'm s'posed to be meeting up with Stan. We'll see how that goes since it hasn't gone too well the past few days.
I love my grampa, and I'm obviously his favorite b/c I'm his cell background. In your face Joi and Desiree. C=
So, today I have work, but I'm confused b/c I'm scheduled to work at both Standford and USF. Wth? I remember a conversation I had with Rusty a/b what to do if I'm scheduled to work two places at once, and he said that USF takes precedence. So, I'm gonna work my first shift there today. I hope I don't mess it up. It is soccer, and I'm pretty okay with soccer at Stanford, where it's a bit more challenging writing down subs and blowing the horn ourselves. I just gotta text Rusty this morning to make sure I have the uniform right, and that he knows I'm going to the game at USF. Brian will be at the Standford game, but I just wanna be sure. Then after this day of work, I'm s'posed to be meeting up with Stan. We'll see how that goes since it hasn't gone too well the past few days.
I love my grampa, and I'm obviously his favorite b/c I'm his cell background. In your face Joi and Desiree. C=
Saturday, October 2
Stupid
I know what I gotta do to see you, but why is that I'm the only one who sacrifices? In any case, you're def. not getting any that night. That's insane. You put me through hell and expect to get laid, puh-lease. Gotta get your mind right. I'm in such a bad mood, b/c I don't think you see that severity of this entire prollem. Idt you saw how I was so ready to just give up. To let it all go. YOU now have to work to get me back, b/c you lost me. I'm not feeling this lack of romance and intimacy. It's not fair, and you know it. And I feel as if you expect me to just lay back and take it. But that's most definitely not gonna happen. So, today, I'm doing nothing. I'm spending the day in bed, unless Daniella calls me or something. And even if she calls, I'm really not gonna be feeling going out for any reason.
I'm in such a bad mood. And I don't think Sunday will really make a difference. I think I'm slowly pulling outta this relationship. Things need to change, and they need to change quickly.
I'm in such a bad mood. And I don't think Sunday will really make a difference. I think I'm slowly pulling outta this relationship. Things need to change, and they need to change quickly.
Friday, October 1
Emotions
It's just emotions, taking me over, caught in sorrow, lost in a song. If you don't come back, come home to me darling, don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tonight? There's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight.
Fuck love, I'm tired of trying, my heart's big, but it beats quiet.
We have bullshit, we've been through it, but we've been too strong for too long and I can't be w/o you baby. I'll be waiting until you home, b/c I can't sleep w/o you baby.
I have no idea where alla this came from, how it all began, but now we are stuck in this rut and it seems like it's only up to me to keep it all together. I'm fighting for what I love and what I believe in, but it's really hard to fight a war by yourself. What am I s'posed to do ? I know what I want and what I deserve, and I'm not getting either. I knew that it was going to be tough, and I can't just back out now b/c of the lack of things we're doing together as a couple, but I don't want him to think that how he is and how he's treating me is okay. Maybe the only option is to take time apart. I don't wanna force him to do something that he obviously isn't capable of doing. And I can't stay in this position where I'm allowing myself to cry and get upset over things that he does and doesn't do. We both agreed to stay in this relationship and we knew it was gonna be hard. This is just another bump in the road of dating a cop, right ? Maybe once he's off of midnights things will get better. I'm going to be the best girlfriend to Stan that I can be, but he needs to do the same.
We gotta stay tuned, cuz there's more to see, through the technical difficulties. We might have to take a break, but ya'll know we'll be back next week. I'm sayin' this love is unbreakable.I
Fuck love, I'm tired of trying, my heart's big, but it beats quiet.
We have bullshit, we've been through it, but we've been too strong for too long and I can't be w/o you baby. I'll be waiting until you home, b/c I can't sleep w/o you baby.
I have no idea where alla this came from, how it all began, but now we are stuck in this rut and it seems like it's only up to me to keep it all together. I'm fighting for what I love and what I believe in, but it's really hard to fight a war by yourself. What am I s'posed to do ? I know what I want and what I deserve, and I'm not getting either. I knew that it was going to be tough, and I can't just back out now b/c of the lack of things we're doing together as a couple, but I don't want him to think that how he is and how he's treating me is okay. Maybe the only option is to take time apart. I don't wanna force him to do something that he obviously isn't capable of doing. And I can't stay in this position where I'm allowing myself to cry and get upset over things that he does and doesn't do. We both agreed to stay in this relationship and we knew it was gonna be hard. This is just another bump in the road of dating a cop, right ? Maybe once he's off of midnights things will get better. I'm going to be the best girlfriend to Stan that I can be, but he needs to do the same.
We gotta stay tuned, cuz there's more to see, through the technical difficulties. We might have to take a break, but ya'll know we'll be back next week. I'm sayin' this love is unbreakable.I
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