Man, my life sucks.

So, I don't think my life is going too well right now. I've applied for jobs all over. I applied to job at ROCK. And if I didn't get that job, then I feel like there is no hope. It's not fair. I feeling so down in the dumps over this. Like, I need a really big ego boost.

I should do some retail therapy. But it's not even gonna help. I'm being super selfish for alla money I spend. I'm trying to do what I can to get the best valennersary gift for my wonderful boyfriend. Hopefully I can still pull it off. It not, I'm gonna have to settle for something else. More lowkey and cheap. Which is a disappointment to me b/c Stan deserves the best.

I can't go to UCBE b/c they won't certify me until I get my BA. And that means going to San Jose since SFSU is so fucked up. Which means more time at City. Now I'm seriously buckling down. There's nothing left to it. I wanna be done with this.

The talks and moves are somewhat happening for Stan to get his own place. My goal was to have a job so I could move in with him. Since that obviously isn't gonna happen anytime soon, Idk what I should do. Tap into savings ? I'm really sick of this house. I'm ABUSED. Jazminn go and do whatever, but it doesn't matter if I'm busy. Or tired. Joi gets to be leisurely all day, and Jazminn must work her ass off. My mom enables Joi to be lazy, and that pisses me off more than anything. Think it's time I go back ? Yea, me too.

It's been soo cold lately. All I wanna do is stay in bed and be warm. But I gotta get up and get out and make whatever moves I can. I'm struggling with these decisions I gotta make. I know life's tough, but mine seems extra hard compared to everybody else. I seriously don't ask for a lot. I try really hard in everything I do. But whenever I REALLY want something, I get fucked in the ass, twice.

So, next week is finals week. I'm looking forward to the time off. I'm gonna make Joi walk. Stupid cunt. She pisses me off to the max sometimes. I'm contemplating going to the geo final. What for ? There's simply no use.

I work 2m. I'm glad I'm opening though. It makes the time go by a bit faster. And I really don't have to work as hard. Next week once alla kiddies are out I'm gonna be forced to open. Only am's for me. Ohh, I've also decided this is my last season. Unless I can't find a job and am desperate for one, I'm done with the rink. I've been played this season. Seriously. I was TOLD I'd be a cashier, but I haven't cashiered once, and with that being said, I'm not gonna do anything for as long as I can. It's bull on top of shit. C= I also open Sunday with Shanise. Know what that means ? C;

Saturday will mark one more week until my party. I'm almost done w/ everything. I just gotta book a room. I'm thinking the Ramada, but I gotta talk it over with my people's. I'm really excited a/b this party. I'm gonna have the time of my life. And then Monday there will be dinner and presents at Auntie Sweetie's house, hopefully.

Thursday will be the memorial for Oscar. I feel REALLY bad for not going to get my hair done that day. I should've. Maybe that could've changed the outcome of the day. I love him. Still. Present, not past.

I'm thinking a/b partying Friday before my bday, if there's anything happening. I'll drag Katt out with me. Ahahaha.

I got Christmas presents for everybody except mom. I wanna get something extra for Katt. She needs something else b/c she's been there for me this whole year. I'm bolo for something for her.

Ohh, CONGRATS TO THE LADY FALCONS BASKETBALL TEAM. Alla my new littles did pretty damn good. I'll be there next year to support 'Tuai. They made it to the playoffs, but started off poorly with Joi's retarded attitude, stupid punk. If they would've started stronger, they would've had more of chance. Joi just didn't want to win. I could see it in her eyes.

I wonder what everybody is getting me for my birthday ? I HATE surprises. Ugh.