Tahoeeee

So, Tahoe was pretty damn fun. I didn't do anything really, but I'm planning on it the next time I go back, which is on Thursday. Stan's mom invited me to go. So yea, I'm going. When me and Stan went, we just chilled pretty much. Went to the skating rink. I actually skated even though my left skate felt weird. Then Reno. I wanted to elope but he said no. It'd be pretty cool if we came back and just eloped. So in Reno we just went to Circus Circus. That was pretty fun. Then the drive home. Then he lied. Then we ko'ed and he woke me up to leave so I was even more pissed. Jerk. Omgah, I dislike his face sometimes. Like seriously.

I was off today, but I work again 2m and Wednesday. I love to open. That's my favorite thing to do. Closing sucks. Um, I gotta tell them I can't work Sunday since I'm going to Cirque de Soilel or however your spell that, thanks to Nick. And then 2m after work I gotta run over to Sports Authority to pick up snow pants. Gotta get more money from the parents.

I've decided to talk to Stan a/b going to Disneyland for our two year. Thing is we can train it w/h will take a/b 10 hours or drive which can take seven. Driving would be cheaper, but it'll be more hectic on our bodies. I'll talk to him a/b it Wednesday. Should I wait until then to get the snow pants too ? I prolly should b/c I'll have more monies then. Sorry, back to Disneyland. I hope he agrees to this. It'll be fun. Yay, Valennersary.

So like.. yea.

Today didn't turn out that bad. Um, I was JIPPED on my presents. I got THREE things. And one of them I can't use properly, so I gotta be janky with it. Normally there are TONS and TONS of presents under that tree for me and Joi. But for some reason we were skipped this year. We didn't get shit. I got stickers, that only have one n so I can't spell my name so I gotta use a u and be ghetto. I got ipod speakers that I'd use if I had my ipod. And I got chapstick. Yay me. Joi got the same chapstick and ipod speakers. Then she got a few more things. I stayed at Auntie Sweetie's a lot b/c I wanted to help and organize the presents for everybody else, in the HOPE that I'd get something more.. but there wasn't anything. The Twins got hella shit. And so did Soyhala, Butu, and BJ. Then I ate over there. The dinner this year wasn't even all that good. It was bland. There wasn't any type of salad. Or sweets. This was the worst Christmas. Not just b/c of the presents, but b/c of everything else. The mood was different. Wasn't the same.

I love Mona. She just went through something dramatic, and she STILL is going strong. Go on girl. I got ya back like a heavy duty bra strap.

2m is the Tahoe trip. Even though it's not really a trip. It's a one day thing. Kinna quick. Go up there, do one activity, then bounce. I'm packing HELLA shit though. I should bring a blanket just in case. I'm really scared of being stranded out there. Like a road will close. That'll just suck major balls. But I have hella snacks to last if that does happen. And I got alla monies from dad. Ahahaha.

So yea. I guess that's a short blog. Merry Christmas all.

Tis the season

I wish it was though. I'm not in the Christmas spirit at all. I realized a while ago that Christmas wasn't gonna be the same. I think my last real Christmas was when I got my PS2. When mom used to give me and Joi two big red bins FULL of presents. And our main present would be on the outside of our bins. I don't remember when that was or how old I was, but that was the last real Christmas that I can remember. Now Christmas is different. Nobody is together. Nobody brings out the spirit. We don't even put out our fake Christmas tree. I should get up and do something today, but there isn't anything. I'm just so bummed that I'm gonna be home by myself for the next two days doing nothing. :(

I need to google where the closet Shane Co is b/c a diamond fell off the necklace Stan gave me and it needs to be replaced. Ugh. I should just make him take it back.

I'm hungry. But we have nothing real to eat. Maybe I'll order some Chinese. I haven't had that in awhile. Hmm..

*Sigh

Ghetto, I almost typed sign. Ahahaha.

So, my party was okay. I realized I was a dumbass and screwed up my whole day and then I'm not gonna do what I did anymore. I cried lots over that mistake. Then Stan fixed it I guess and made it better. So, we check in to our hotel, and it's GHETTO. The lights in the bathroom had to be rigged. Ahaha. And the button was missing from our jacuzzi. Then we had to rush home for me to get my hair done. Omgah, it's not even all that fancy like I was expecting. But whatever. We then went to Chilli's. Omgah, those fuckers fucked up my night even more. I was SOO frustrated a/b the table situation. But then a million people didn't show up so it wasn't even all that bad. Then me and Stan had to go to Baskin Robin to pick up the cake. It was a cute cake. I loved it. Then Pump It Up. It was fun, but VERY tiring. My goodness. Ahahaha. Then cake and ice cream and present time. I got a wallet and a bag and pajamas. Mom gave me a bag too. So now I have TWO black bags. Stan gave me a necklace. I gotta take it back to Shane Co. though b/c a diamond already fell off. It's really pretty. I love it. So then we're at the hotel in the jacuzzi. I won't go in to details but it was amazing. Then we snuggled and fell asleep. Woke up at 5:30 for round 2. Then he left me around 7:10. I tried to fall back asleep but Stan texted me. And by the time he was in formations I was s'posed to be getting up. So I didn't get that much sleep.

Work I fucked up. Ehh. I'm over the rink, def not going back next season. I'm looking really hard for something else though. I will find something. I know I will.

Today.. isn't the best actual birthday. All I wanted to do was sleep in. But couldn't. I'm not doing shit else today for anybody. I'm feeling kinna fuck the world. Jess canceled our lunch. So now I'm really stuck in the house. I wanted to go down and get my check from the rink, but since I'm not dressed and prolly won't be getting dressed for awhile, who the hell cares ? I'm so.. not feeling happy. My boyfriend woke me up this morning as usual and didn't say happy birthday. Couldn't sleep in. My so called best friend isn't really living up to that title. So yea. I really don't care a/b today right now. Maybe it'll get better.
-Today didn't get better. I really don't know why nobody made my day. It sucked. Seriously. I did nothing. Got nothing. People suck. So yea. Thanks to the world for making my day such a fuckin' shitty one.

2m I'm s'posed to be with the girls. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm not feelin' too hot right now to even think a/b it. I do know that I gotta spend some time w/ Fave b/c we have that appt to take care of. I gotta be up early again 2m. And then I work on Wednesday. So I won't get to sleep in until Thursday, if that. And Friday is Christmas. I'm not gonna get anything that I ask for, so why bother there ? My highlight is gonna come from the trip to the snow with my boyfriend. Even though we're not gonna stay there. Gonna drive up there, do nothing, drive back, sleep at my house. I gotta call that day in I guess.

I hate being down, but that's how I feel. I hate it, but whatever.

Finally.

Today is the day of my paaaaaaaaaaaartaaaayyyyy. Finally ! I'm soo happy. I get to figure out what the hell Stan got me. I'm so anxious. I gotta shower and get ready for my long ass day. I need Stan to go to Baskin Robin's and see if we can pick up the cake after Chilli's since it's ice cream cake and I don't want it to melt. That's just gonna be a bit outta the way, but there is an exit over there. I also gotta pack for tonight and work 2m. I think it SUCKS that I have to open the day after my party, but whatever. They better not expect me to work Monday either. I'm giving up on a few people even coming today for my party. That works better for me. I wish I would've gotten a smaller cake though. More of my familia should come, but ehh. I'm seriously excited. I can't wait until I'm there tonight. When alla eyes are on me. Yay. I'll be reposting as soon as I figure out the gift. Shower time ! Well, after Teen Mom.

My brain hurts

2m is kinna a big day. I have to go to the new hair shop. I'm the test dummy. I'm going by myself. I'm kinna sad a/b that. If I don't like it, what should I do ? Smile and be happy ? I just want it to be nice. Esp since my birthday is coming up. I want to feel pretty. If it doesn't come out nice, I'm just gonna stop her and let her know I'm not paying her.

I've been trying to pick my brain and figure out what the hell I'm getting from Stan. I know for Christmas he's taking me to the snow. I figured that once he said that we'll go, ect. And then we were talking a/b it for awhile, and he compared it to my Valennersary gift. That's pretty obvious to me. But my birthday gift, I have no idea what it could. I want it to be something. I REALLY want it to be this ONE thing, but I know it's not. Or it could be. I should stop trying to pick my brain and just let whatever it is happen. I just don't wanna be surprised if it is what I think it is. What's throwing me off is how he said showing it is also important. Ugh. But the he said that it could be used daily. Not that is has to be used daily. Soo.. wtf ? If it's what I want it to be, I'll be the happiest person ever. But if it's not.. it better be something really damn good. Esp since I'm spoiling the HELL outta him this Christmas. Two pair of shoes (Nike 6.0's and Jordans) and a watch. So yea. I used alla what I had on him. I still gotta find something for my bff/sister. Ugh. I just want to get her something different. But maybe I just won't. I'll get her something special and she'll be okay with it.

So, work. I'm still hunting. I applied all over and then some. I decided to even go with internships for interior design, even if they are unpaid. It'll give me experience. Idk why I'm still doing interior design. I'm having another change of heart. But we'll see what happens this semester. I think Spring Semesters are always easier for me than Fall ones. I hope I do well. I wanna be here one more year. One, and that's it. Maybe two, depending on classes.

I'm tired of being on the comp. There seriously isn't anything to do anymore. I loved menginspired's comic a/b this topic. Check your social networks, blog, email. Then what ? You do it all over again. Ahahaha.

:(

I'm still sad. I'm frustrated by the job thing. The only thing that keeps making me happy is knowing my party is literally around the corner. I'm thinking of it as a way to end the year and to celebrate beating finals.

I've decided not to go to Geo. There seriously isn't a point. I'll retake the class. Both of them. Maybe with different teacher for the lab though. And I'll actually concentrate for those quizzes.

I don't want to work this upcoming week. I only want to open, but I have finals. And that means no opening. But since I'm skipping a few, maybe I can. We'll see.

I have a speech appointment on Tuesday. Ugh, I really don't wanna go to that. And a hair appt on Wednesday with the new lady on Fillmore. Hmm, we'll see how that goes. I hope it comes out nice.

I'm not gonna stop hunting.

I have a speech final 2m. I know I'll do pretty well on that.

Man, my life sucks.

So, I don't think my life is going too well right now. I've applied for jobs all over. I applied to job at ROCK. And if I didn't get that job, then I feel like there is no hope. It's not fair. I feeling so down in the dumps over this. Like, I need a really big ego boost.

I should do some retail therapy. But it's not even gonna help. I'm being super selfish for alla money I spend. I'm trying to do what I can to get the best valennersary gift for my wonderful boyfriend. Hopefully I can still pull it off. It not, I'm gonna have to settle for something else. More lowkey and cheap. Which is a disappointment to me b/c Stan deserves the best.

I can't go to UCBE b/c they won't certify me until I get my BA. And that means going to San Jose since SFSU is so fucked up. Which means more time at City. Now I'm seriously buckling down. There's nothing left to it. I wanna be done with this.

The talks and moves are somewhat happening for Stan to get his own place. My goal was to have a job so I could move in with him. Since that obviously isn't gonna happen anytime soon, Idk what I should do. Tap into savings ? I'm really sick of this house. I'm ABUSED. Jazminn go and do whatever, but it doesn't matter if I'm busy. Or tired. Joi gets to be leisurely all day, and Jazminn must work her ass off. My mom enables Joi to be lazy, and that pisses me off more than anything. Think it's time I go back ? Yea, me too.

It's been soo cold lately. All I wanna do is stay in bed and be warm. But I gotta get up and get out and make whatever moves I can. I'm struggling with these decisions I gotta make. I know life's tough, but mine seems extra hard compared to everybody else. I seriously don't ask for a lot. I try really hard in everything I do. But whenever I REALLY want something, I get fucked in the ass, twice.

So, next week is finals week. I'm looking forward to the time off. I'm gonna make Joi walk. Stupid cunt. She pisses me off to the max sometimes. I'm contemplating going to the geo final. What for ? There's simply no use.

I work 2m. I'm glad I'm opening though. It makes the time go by a bit faster. And I really don't have to work as hard. Next week once alla kiddies are out I'm gonna be forced to open. Only am's for me. Ohh, I've also decided this is my last season. Unless I can't find a job and am desperate for one, I'm done with the rink. I've been played this season. Seriously. I was TOLD I'd be a cashier, but I haven't cashiered once, and with that being said, I'm not gonna do anything for as long as I can. It's bull on top of shit. C= I also open Sunday with Shanise. Know what that means ? C;

Saturday will mark one more week until my party. I'm almost done w/ everything. I just gotta book a room. I'm thinking the Ramada, but I gotta talk it over with my people's. I'm really excited a/b this party. I'm gonna have the time of my life. And then Monday there will be dinner and presents at Auntie Sweetie's house, hopefully.

Thursday will be the memorial for Oscar. I feel REALLY bad for not going to get my hair done that day. I should've. Maybe that could've changed the outcome of the day. I love him. Still. Present, not past.

I'm thinking a/b partying Friday before my bday, if there's anything happening. I'll drag Katt out with me. Ahahaha.

I got Christmas presents for everybody except mom. I wanna get something extra for Katt. She needs something else b/c she's been there for me this whole year. I'm bolo for something for her.

Ohh, CONGRATS TO THE LADY FALCONS BASKETBALL TEAM. Alla my new littles did pretty damn good. I'll be there next year to support 'Tuai. They made it to the playoffs, but started off poorly with Joi's retarded attitude, stupid punk. If they would've started stronger, they would've had more of chance. Joi just didn't want to win. I could see it in her eyes.

I wonder what everybody is getting me for my birthday ? I HATE surprises. Ugh.

Fuck.

Just FML. Seriously. I'm sick. There's NO time like right now where I needed you. And what happens ? Your family pops up. WTF ? I get you ONE full day a week. And now I get you on a fucking Sunday ? Fuck it. You just think it's okay. You don't see why I'm upset. It's so done. You need to be able to take initiative for these situations on your own. You knew I'd be upset. You know I only get you one day a week. You know how I get. Why do you gotta pull that, "I never win" shit ? That's unfair. You choose these fuckin' things. You did this to yourself. I'm just supposed to take it and not care, right ? Well sorry. I get upset b/c I do care. It's unfair to me, don't you think ? I'm just over this happening. I seriously think your parents do this shit on purpose. Not even your parents. Your mother. She's getting upset b/c she's losing you. And she's taking whatever time she can get outta you. Even if it's at my expense. And I'm sick of it. You guys didn't spend their last anniversary with them. And your dad's dad's birthday ? Really ? This did NOT happen last year. Or the year before that. So.. with that being said, of course I'm going to be upset. Whatever. I was gonna go out, but I don't even have the energy. I just think I'm gonna lay here. I'm done with this.