Ugh

Omgah, I should blog b/c life has been stressful. I really need to move out. Idk how to get on financial aid, or some sort of GA to be able to speed up this process. I really believe that Stan is being a bit of a jerk for not fully understanding my situation and not even offering. But whatever. I'm not letting it phase me anymore. I'll just figure this out on my own, since our relationship has become sort of one sided. Me doing alla loving and caring and him.. just being there. I've told him too many times, and now I've given up. Shape up or ship out. I know I deserve more than what I'm getting.

So, I've reached breaking points with Uncle David. He wasn't letting me leave so I called the cops and then there were hella issues a/b what happened. Omgah. He just needs to be a man and face what he did. I don't like what he did, what he does. And my dad still allows this shit. He goes in my room when I'm not here. He barges in when I'm changing. Is it too much to ask to put a fucking lock on my door ? Obviously it is. Ugh. Men suck. I'm so going lesbian.

Um, I should be doing homework. I'm prolly not gonna have much time to do it 2m since Stan's coming over. I kinna just wanna say fuck it b/c I know something is gonna come up and he's gonna be forced to come over hella late. W/h is gonna make me wayy upset since 2m is a Sunday so I already get him for a few hours less. And the majority of our time together is gonna be spent @ the ROCK event. I wanna clean the cage, but he's gonna have on these nice clothes and Idt that he'll even wanna do it. Maybe I'll just do it. Just like everything else in our relationship.

Today we took Gramma out to Hometown for her birthday. Yoyo was not surprisingly at all drunk, and didn't even want to get up to get her own food. Like wtf ? You lazy ass. We're not here to serve you. And she asked the lady who cleans tables to bring her a drink. Omgah, I was embarassed. I'm glad we left hella quick. Oh, this guy was HELLA hitting on Gramma, and then slipped Desiree his number. Nigga please. And Yoyo was screaming at her while he was still there like HE GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER. LOOK AT IT. LOOK. Omgah, idiot. Now the kids are here with me, Joi's at the nail shop getting her eyebrows waxed, and parents are prolly sleep.

Seriously, must do homework.

Forever.

It's been forever since I last blogged. I think the last time I blogged was on Thursday of last week. Omgah. Well, nothing really exciting happened. I guess I should start from the beginning of this week.

School started !!! Yay. I'm actually gonna enjoy this semester. I like all of my classes and teachers. I like my schedule. I like EVERYTHING. Yay me. I'm  taking Russian 2, Econ 5 (bka Stats), History, Color (Theory), and Health. I'm out at 1 MW, 3 T/Th, and 12 F. My schedule is awesome. Ohh, I have class with Bones and Dom. Yay for Color ! Ahhah. Besides that I really don't have friends in any of my new classes. Ohh, there's of course another asshole in Russian. This time he's white, named Chris. What a dumbass. He tries to be so hardcore, ect., but he can't even read or write in cursive. He's gonna be FUCKED. I can't wait until Krista wants us to turn in an assignment and he's printing. The first day he was like, "Is the book even gonna be used, b/c I have hellla other books from my old classes, ect." STFU. Just get the damn book. And he tries to make jokes, but they're not funny. I just tell him to shut up. I'm gonna be the one who gets in to it with him, so yea. I'm just not in to it. Besides that, I don't think there's anything I need to mention a/b any of my other classes. Well, I gotta send my Health teacher an email. I don't know how to access her website and whatever else. And I think that she should make it so that people who are registered in that class get a seat before people who aren't. I already paid, so why should people who didn't pay get a seat ? You get what I'm saying ? So yea, that's a/b it for school.

My cable is out, again. Yes. Idk how or why it keeps going out, but I'm so over it. I have a feeling it has to do with my floor being wet alla time. B/c my dad is TOO cheap to buy a new window. So I know there's prolly some sort of mold growing on my shit. But oh well. Once it reaches that point, he's gonna have to spend more. I don't see why my dad can't get it in his head that if you spend a lot of money one time, you'll save in the long run b/c you won't have to keep replacing. Omgah, whatever.

My car is broken. Idk what's wrong my little Putt Putt, but he is broken. It sounds like a tire is gonna fall off. My dad is saying it's a shock, but I know it's not the shock. I'm no mechanic, but it sounds like it did before with the connection thingy. So there dad. Ugh.

My iPod is broken. Well, maybe not. I think I fixed it. Shaking it kinna worked. I made the screen come back on. I just haven't played it yet. So who knows. I'm still gonna work my dad for a touch. C=

So yea, that's been my week so far. Lots of issues. Minor annoyances. I'm gonna clean and shower and get ready to see my boyfriend whenever he decides to wake up. Which doesn't seem like it's gonna be anytime soon. Yay.

Ass kissers.

So, I'm really tired of ass kissers. My mom kisses my sister's ass b/c she things that by doing so she'll behave better. But little does my mom know all she's doing is feeding into my sister's game. The more she ass kisses, the worse my sister behaves. And I would bring this to her attention, but as soon as my mom gets home, she takes a fucking drink. And my mom is such a lightweight that one sip gets her buzzing and holding a conversation with her becomes impossible since she dominates the conversation and only wants to talk a/b what she wants to talk about. So it's like a loose loose situation. Oh well. I shall be gone shortly. Hopefully. Even if it means crashing with somebody else. I can't stay here. I'll go find a shelter or something.
Another ass kisser would be my boyfriend. He kisses my ass, only when he's in trouble. But he kisses his mom's ass alla time. Like, I understand she's your mother, but she's STILL treating you like a child. And that just isn't any good. And he feeds it. I can't explain this situation. I never really met a mamas boy. And I realize that I don't like them. But how do you tell somebody that they're a mamas boy, and that you want them to man up ? Ugh.

Um, I don't know what else to blog about. Today was boring. I stayed home. And I'm prolly staying home 2m. And then it's Saturday. I plan to dress up for Stan a little bit. But only if he proves he's worth it. I gotta start looking for a room and plane tickets. And call Auntie Christine to buy us tickets for Disneyland. So yea. I guess I'll be on that for a bit this upcoming hour until PROJECT RUNWAY starts. Woohoo. There's a designer from SF and one from Oakland. Bay Area STAND UP. Ahahaha.

Getting better

So, today wasn't that bad. I got a lot accomplished I think in this small time frame. I applied to THREE places at Tanforan. F21, Victoria's Secret, and Hooters. I got an interview with Victoria's Secret on the 20th. That's a/b it. I doubt I'll even hear from F21 since the lady there was just rude. I think she was a bit racist. Hooters, that's up in the air. The people all seemed really nice. We'll see what that comes to. And for another job thing, I'm going to call the census bureau a/b getting a job. Maybe I'll get a score there. I think after that talk I had with Stan, I'm starting to see it really isn't me, it's them. Expect the worst but hope for the best.

I'm going to an NSA meeting on the 19th. After school, come home and chill for a bit. Stan wants to take me, but Idk if he should. He gets REALLY cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep. And that's really unfair to him of me to be selfish and want him to come with me. But he wants to. I'll see what happens.

School's almost starting. I hate how I ALWAYS forgot a/b books until two weeks before school starts and buy them, and then I'm stuck panicking a/b when they don't arrive. Oh well. All are scheduled between the 19th of this month and the 1st of next. That's a two week time frame, so I'm not THAT worried. *Carrots just tipped her house, so now she can't get over it. That's what the dumb rabbit gets. Anyway, I want school to start. Something to get me outta the house everyday. I should also go to the gym. Or just volunteer somewhere. I want to be proactive w/ my time instead of just always lounging around.

What other topics have been on my mind ? Nothing else really. Hmm.

I had to.

So, I had to let it all out yesterday. And boy. It felt sooo good. I had to release alla the emotions I had from being so frustrated during my job search. I had a breakdown. Stan was there and witnessed it. It wasn't my best time. But now that it's over and done with, I'm feeling much better. I think my feelings were right for that time period. After trying for so long, I didn't have a choice but to feel the way I did. But after talking it out with Stan, I realized that I wasn't as bad as I sounded. It's not me. It's them. I did all that I could, but to the other people, it wasn't enough. So now I'm taking my time, and I'm moving onward with life. I figured out a plan, and I'm sticking with it. Now I gotta buckle down and get down with my get down.

Today, I should clean. I'm just not in the mood. Today, I don't feel like doing anything. Maybe I'll do it 2m. Since 2m is a weekday and I have weekdays free of doing stuff. I should also empty out my backpack. School starts in a week from 2m. Yay. I hope I do well this semester at school. I hope I get it all done and succeed. No more bullshitting. That's my New Year's Resolution. No bullshit. Work hard so you're able to play harder.

Better.

Today was definitely better than yesterday. I'm not feeling as down and depressed, but it still sucked. I downloaded some more music b/c I went to bed last night and realized that I didn't have any Britney Spears. Like, omgah, wtf, right ? So I'm almost done downloading and uploading music. Idk where my other Traphik CD is, but I want it. It had alla songs that I remember on it. I think it's in the office. If I find it, I'll erase alla these other songs. I still gotta edit alla names in my iTunes. I think I'm almost done with downloading. Ahahah. Just a few more Traphik songs and I should be good. Then I'll put the big bad plug in and erase alla the old songs and put in alla new songs. Yay.

So, Stan's condo (yes, Stan's condo) is finalized. He's loan hunting. And once that's done, he'll own it pretty much. And once he owns it, I gotta start decoration. I'm really apprehensive a/b decoration it. I think once I get in to it, I'm gonna wanna stay there. And since I'm not moving in, until what seems like a year minimum, maybe two or three max. Ugh. It makes me really sad. I've been at City for THREE years at the end of this semester, and I still have a/b three left. But I'm positive on changing my major. So maybe it won't be that much longer. I need something to do with my time so I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm glad this week went by kinna quick. Maybe next week will go by quick too. The quicker it goes the faster I'm in school. I never thought I'd be happy to be in school. But omgah, I have NO life and I need to go get outta the house.

Yepp.

So, I'm depressed. I've officially hit rock bottom. There's NOTHING for me to do. I know I need to talk to somebody. My prollem ? There's NOBODY to talk to. I mean, I have people to talk to, but I need somebody from the outside. Somebody who can help me with alla these issues. Maybe I should just go to the NSA meeting and see what resources I get from there. I thought I hit a low yesterday, but today when I applied to be a telemarketer, I know there's nothing left in me. I feel like I just sold my soul to the devil by doing that. Ugh. I need a job so bad.

I'm thinking a/b changing majors. Real Estate. We'll see next semester. None of the classes require pre reqs. And then I just gotta take my test. So maybe I'll just do that for the fall. Cuz I have NO more motivation for school. I really have no motivation for anything besides knowing that I have to do something. Isn't that a terrible way to be ? Ugh. My life disappoints me.

I need something from you. I wrote it out plain and simple. Will you act on it this time ? I hope so.

Ehh...

So, I wanna blog a/b my trip with Stan and his fam to Tahoe but I really don't wanna get in to it. I had a lot of fun. But then Stan's mom ruined it by cussing him out (I think) a/b how we acted. I didn't want to hear the story, so I really don't know what happened. I just know that she wasn't happy with our behavior. What the hell ever though. I drove a snow mobile ! That was prolly the highlight of my trip. I wanted to go snow tubing since that was what Stan was s'posed to do for me for his xmas gift. We went to the place twice and they were closed and I got SERIOUSLY bummed out. I wanted to just go home and cry. We went to the arcade both of those times since there wasn't anything else the both of us could do. I left with a pretty cool chicken hat and some giant inflatable handcuffs. I think Stan's mom is upset b/c I wasn't social. It's hard for me to be social in an environment where everybody around you is speaking Russian and you don't understand enough to even jump into the conversation. And when they put me on the spot to speak Russian that made me REALLY uncomfortable so I kinna just shut down at that point. I'd like to turn the tables on her and let her see what it's like. But she'll find out soon enough. Ohh, I almost forgot a/b Russian Christmas. I got a giraffe print Dooney and Burke purse ! It's soo amazing. Thank you Bunny. I love it. Our trip home was rocky. I fell asleep. And I woke up and he told me how he fell asleep at the wheel, and this my nose started bleeding. Then I felt shitty. Just shitty. We got home and I thought I was gonna die. Just soo lightheaded. Then the next day we woke up and ate @ Millbrae Pancake House, and I had the most amazing waffle. Yummy. Then he had to meet up with his real estate man. (The offer he put in for the condo was accepted; I gotta get ready to decorate it up !) Then me and him headed to the movies to watch Sherlock Holmes. It was his movie, and I was okay with it. Next weekend it's gonna be Alvin and the Chipmunks though. Ahahah. Then we went to watch Ovo. It was so amazing. The people are soo talented. The rope couple and the trampoline dudes were my favorites. I wanna see alla other Cirque de Soilel performances now. Then we went to Banana Island for Thai food. Back to his house so I can transfer alla my stuff from his car to mine, and then leave. His mom ruined our moment. I think she has a thing against me. Hmph, oh well.

So.. I have a job interview 2m. I think it's a scam thing for the knives that Katy did a while back. I'm wondering if I should even go to it. I also need to go to the rink and see what's happening down there a/b money for me and Stan's Valnnersary gift. My aunt's site has a pretty good deal. But I just realized that it doesn't even include tickets. Hmm. Maybe I should just do one day ? I was doing two, but what's the point ? Well, maybe if I do two he'll handle everything else ? Idk what he's even thinking of. Or if he's even thought of anything. I gotta talk to him this weekend and see. Sooo.. what else is there ? I'm gonna go apply to a few places 2m at Stonestown. I'm gonna call Katt and see if she wants to tag along. I miss her.

I have three weeks until school starts and I have NO idea what to do with myself. Like none. I need a job.