I think I'm slowly starting to move out for good now. With school and needing the space, the condo just has it. I'm getting the internet, cable, and home phone, all in my name too. Woot woot. We'll start having people over. I gotta learn how to use the ATT U-Verse remote. There's too much happening in my life right now.
I gotta make an appt with my doctor to get Vasiliy his tags. That's really the only thing that's stopping me from going alla way since now I have things to do there.
I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing with school in my life. I'm busting my ass, and I'm not getting anywhere. I'm doing better in Color Theory, but not too well in drawing. Which makes me so sad. I just can't figure out why I can't do this.
Mmkay, gonna look for my Kaiser card to call this doctor.
Thursday, April 28
Tuesday, April 19
SKB
It's no secret that I'm going out with a pretty amazing guy. It's no secret that our relationship is VERY nontraditional. Of course we fight and bicker, but that's expected. While talking to a random guy at Disneyworld he said that at the 3 year mark, you get stuck in a rut. And I've been feeling it. It's the same routine, and I'm not one for routine. That's why I picked a career that I can manage and go outta my way to change up. I guess I'm just expecting him to step up to the plate. The thing is he's not. And it's slightly frustrating me. It's no secret that I need a lot of attention. Hell, the way me and Stan met was cuz I needed attention. Then he expects me to just be okay with all of the choices that he's made when he knows that with those choices I'm losing time with him. I'm starting to be able to accept it at least. It still hurts. I don't like not being able to have the amount of time I feel like I deserve. I don't like not being number one. I don't like making him feel like he needs to chose b/w his work, family, and me. But I think he needs to realize that in the end, he'll have to come home to me, so he should start making me happy. But all on that same note, all of this is coming from the fact that right now he's working OT when it's normally our time together. I guess he needs it, but I really don't care. I need things that sometimes he just doesn't provide. Now, alla this is stemming from the fact that I REALLY wanted to talk to Stan about something.. his ways.. but I couldn't cuz of his choice to work OT. I hate holding stuff in. I decided that since we weren't gonna have that much time together I didn't wanna ruin it by putting a damper on it by bringing alla this up. So I had to hold it in and now I gotta wait until next week to get alla this off of my chest.
On the work note.. I finished my first project. I'm done. I wiped my hands clean of it. I sent it out and now I'm waiting for a response. It was the weirdest thing. I'm glad it's done, but I'm kind of sad that it's over. Hmm.. I'm waiting for Mikey. He's like been MIA. I need that shit now. I can go and make them myself at like Office Depot if he wants to keep playing games. I'll give him a week and see what happens.
I should start my hw. After I find something I can munch on for breakfast. Then after that I'll prolly sleep. I haven't had much lately.
On the work note.. I finished my first project. I'm done. I wiped my hands clean of it. I sent it out and now I'm waiting for a response. It was the weirdest thing. I'm glad it's done, but I'm kind of sad that it's over. Hmm.. I'm waiting for Mikey. He's like been MIA. I need that shit now. I can go and make them myself at like Office Depot if he wants to keep playing games. I'll give him a week and see what happens.
I should start my hw. After I find something I can munch on for breakfast. Then after that I'll prolly sleep. I haven't had much lately.
Friday, April 15
Reflection
Am I lucky to have this boyfriend of mine? The one that makes me go insane and want to punch him in the face? Am I lucky to have him? Am I lucky to have this guy who loves and accepts me for me, for what I've been through, for what am I'm trying to be? Yea, I guess I am.
Am I lucky to have had somebody respond to my post? Am I luck to have somebody understand that I'm girl with a good hussle? Am I lucky to have been put in a situation where I have to bust my ass through school and then try to finish this project on the side? Yea, I guess I am.
Am I lucky to be in the position where I don't have to work since my family will take care of me as long as I'm in school?
Am I lucky that my parents work super hard so I don't have to?
Am I lucky that I have a sister who annoys the hell outta me?
Am I lucky that I have a dog who for the most part is just a big slob?
Am I lucky that I can sit here on the couch at 11:30am and write this?
-Yes, I'm one lucky bitch.
Am I lucky to have had somebody respond to my post? Am I luck to have somebody understand that I'm girl with a good hussle? Am I lucky to have been put in a situation where I have to bust my ass through school and then try to finish this project on the side? Yea, I guess I am.
Am I lucky to be in the position where I don't have to work since my family will take care of me as long as I'm in school?
Am I lucky that my parents work super hard so I don't have to?
Am I lucky that I have a sister who annoys the hell outta me?
Am I lucky that I have a dog who for the most part is just a big slob?
Am I lucky that I can sit here on the couch at 11:30am and write this?
-Yes, I'm one lucky bitch.
Thursday, April 14
I guess it's time
So, that ad on Craigslist that I posted turned out one perspective client. I'm meeting up with him today. I hope things go well and alla that good stuff. I'm going to leave the address with Stan, and Nick is going with me, so I don't have much to worry about. I think things will be good. I need to take my car to the wash and have it vaccuumed. I wonder how many quarters I'm gonna need for that.
-On the same note, I've been working with Mikey to get my business set up. I'm going to make a website and have some business cards made. I need this information to be put out there. I hope to start working harder and sooner in this field.
On a school note, I realized that I'm not taking drawing seriously, which is why I rush through it. I think now that I said it out loud and I can slow down and take my time to work super hard. I need good grades. There's no way that I can't make all a's.
-On the same note, I've been working with Mikey to get my business set up. I'm going to make a website and have some business cards made. I need this information to be put out there. I hope to start working harder and sooner in this field.
On a school note, I realized that I'm not taking drawing seriously, which is why I rush through it. I think now that I said it out loud and I can slow down and take my time to work super hard. I need good grades. There's no way that I can't make all a's.
Thursday, April 7
I wanted to..
.. write a really long blog, but my battery will soon die. I'm going to list all of the thing I want to talk a/b so hopefully 2m I can ramble.
Katy
School
Work
Friends (overall) -maybe tie that in with Katy
Family
Stanislav
Vasiliy.
I have an interview 2m for an Italian restaurant (Barolo). I need luck. And an outfit.
So here my LONG blog begins.. hopefully.
Katy, what happened? My text may have been harsh, but you could've responded. Maybe not then, but within a few days. I haven't even heard from you. You're s'posed to be my bff, but you're not there. It makes me sad. And on the subject of friends, it's really sad how I've been losing a lot. I've realized that almost all of the people on FB I never really talked to. I'm keeping people on there that I've had actual conversations with. All of these other people can suck my ass. I've made some good friends recently as well. Jasmine and Dessa. They're some cool as chicks. Oh, I've reconnected with Miguel again. He needs to stop coming in and out of my life. That nigga. Omgah. We still have our agreement though. And it's funny how we're in the same situation. Ahaha. Of course I won't talk shit. I can't!
School, I'm reading lots now, actually focusing for this shit. I realized that the only way I can finish, is if I put in the effort. Nothing else will be handed to me with a damn golden spoon. So, I gotta work my ass off. I'm feeling better now. I just hate reading the text. It's so boring. Maybe I'll go to a Starbucks and put on my itunes and just read. We'll see when we can have this happen.
Work. Omgah, so I posted some ads on Craigslist and got a response. I'm excited. The more I can work now and get ahead in the field, the better off I'll be. I also applied for an internship in the field. I'd be happier with an internship in the field than working a minimum wage job. But we'll see. I also have an interview 2m at 11:15am. I hope I get that as a way to start saving for these vacations me and Stan have planned. The more monies I have the better. I'm going to keep on applying for jobs as well. I figure the more my resume is out there, the better chance I have of getting a job. I wonder if this restaurant will be so sadiddy that I won't even like it though. Hmm, I guess we'll fine out tomorrow.
Family... hmm. I miss my baby Demari. Now he's a big boy. He grew up too fast and I'm just not ready for it. I'm also not ready for the growing up my sister is doing. I'm not ready for any of the people I've seen since birth grow up. It SCARES me. You're s'posed to stay w/ the little sweet innocence that I can remember since day one. I'm kinna pissed at my Dad for being douche. Idk why he has to make things so complicated. Why is it okay for you to talk super sarcastically to me, but if I do the same you get butthurt? So, that's why I called you an asshole today. Ugh. Mom is going in for a surgery soon, so I'm going to be with her a lot. I think that will be a pain in the ass. She already stayed home awhile ago, and it was the worst thing. Jazminn do everything. Bitch couldn't even get up to move her car for street sweeping. Lazy ho.
Stanislav. Oh boy, where do I begin with this man? I haven't praised him in awhile. So I guess it's time. Even though we have bad days, I love him so much. I realized this the other day. It may not have been a conventional way of realizing how I feel.. but I did. And it's sad, but in the end the outcome was good. Stan will have every ounce of me that I can give him. I want to spend my forever with him. Have little Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Russian babies. Chinky green eyes. Small asian noses. Long brown hair. It's quite sad how much I love him. How much I care. How I worry alla time when he's working. The thing I realized is that whenever we make the step to have children.. it'll be harder. I'm not only going to be worrying b/c of me. I'm going to have to worry for the sake of our family.
Vasiliy is so grown up. He's HUGE. Around 50 lbs. He's eating a 30 lb bag of food a month. Slowly eating me outta house and home. I think Stan is working with his parents so Vasiliy can stay over there every now and then so I don't have to constantly spend money on day care when I need a break. His sits are very good now. He just has a ton of energy still. I think within a year or so, he'll be tamer and calmer. I'm hoping on it.
I did it! I typed my really long post. I prolly won't have another one this long in awhile. I'm gonna walk Vasiliy at 9, then hopefully he's tired by the time ABDC comes on.
Katy
School
Work
Friends (overall) -maybe tie that in with Katy
Family
Stanislav
Vasiliy.
I have an interview 2m for an Italian restaurant (Barolo). I need luck. And an outfit.
So here my LONG blog begins.. hopefully.
Katy, what happened? My text may have been harsh, but you could've responded. Maybe not then, but within a few days. I haven't even heard from you. You're s'posed to be my bff, but you're not there. It makes me sad. And on the subject of friends, it's really sad how I've been losing a lot. I've realized that almost all of the people on FB I never really talked to. I'm keeping people on there that I've had actual conversations with. All of these other people can suck my ass. I've made some good friends recently as well. Jasmine and Dessa. They're some cool as chicks. Oh, I've reconnected with Miguel again. He needs to stop coming in and out of my life. That nigga. Omgah. We still have our agreement though. And it's funny how we're in the same situation. Ahaha. Of course I won't talk shit. I can't!
School, I'm reading lots now, actually focusing for this shit. I realized that the only way I can finish, is if I put in the effort. Nothing else will be handed to me with a damn golden spoon. So, I gotta work my ass off. I'm feeling better now. I just hate reading the text. It's so boring. Maybe I'll go to a Starbucks and put on my itunes and just read. We'll see when we can have this happen.
Work. Omgah, so I posted some ads on Craigslist and got a response. I'm excited. The more I can work now and get ahead in the field, the better off I'll be. I also applied for an internship in the field. I'd be happier with an internship in the field than working a minimum wage job. But we'll see. I also have an interview 2m at 11:15am. I hope I get that as a way to start saving for these vacations me and Stan have planned. The more monies I have the better. I'm going to keep on applying for jobs as well. I figure the more my resume is out there, the better chance I have of getting a job. I wonder if this restaurant will be so sadiddy that I won't even like it though. Hmm, I guess we'll fine out tomorrow.
Family... hmm. I miss my baby Demari. Now he's a big boy. He grew up too fast and I'm just not ready for it. I'm also not ready for the growing up my sister is doing. I'm not ready for any of the people I've seen since birth grow up. It SCARES me. You're s'posed to stay w/ the little sweet innocence that I can remember since day one. I'm kinna pissed at my Dad for being douche. Idk why he has to make things so complicated. Why is it okay for you to talk super sarcastically to me, but if I do the same you get butthurt? So, that's why I called you an asshole today. Ugh. Mom is going in for a surgery soon, so I'm going to be with her a lot. I think that will be a pain in the ass. She already stayed home awhile ago, and it was the worst thing. Jazminn do everything. Bitch couldn't even get up to move her car for street sweeping. Lazy ho.
Stanislav. Oh boy, where do I begin with this man? I haven't praised him in awhile. So I guess it's time. Even though we have bad days, I love him so much. I realized this the other day. It may not have been a conventional way of realizing how I feel.. but I did. And it's sad, but in the end the outcome was good. Stan will have every ounce of me that I can give him. I want to spend my forever with him. Have little Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Russian babies. Chinky green eyes. Small asian noses. Long brown hair. It's quite sad how much I love him. How much I care. How I worry alla time when he's working. The thing I realized is that whenever we make the step to have children.. it'll be harder. I'm not only going to be worrying b/c of me. I'm going to have to worry for the sake of our family.
Vasiliy is so grown up. He's HUGE. Around 50 lbs. He's eating a 30 lb bag of food a month. Slowly eating me outta house and home. I think Stan is working with his parents so Vasiliy can stay over there every now and then so I don't have to constantly spend money on day care when I need a break. His sits are very good now. He just has a ton of energy still. I think within a year or so, he'll be tamer and calmer. I'm hoping on it.
I did it! I typed my really long post. I prolly won't have another one this long in awhile. I'm gonna walk Vasiliy at 9, then hopefully he's tired by the time ABDC comes on.
Wednesday, April 6
Amazing
It's amazing how much work can get done if you actually focus. I think I just need a better study environment. I think I should go out of my way and study. Do libraries have wifi? I think if I'm in a place that doesn't have TV and where I won't have access to an outlet, I should go there to study. I was studying w/ Dessa at B&N and we got a lot done. I finished ALL my assignments for that day. Now I'm home and it took me all day to do the littlest amount of work. I gotta focus. No more slacking.
I try to stay out of drama. I try to not put myself in a position where people feel the need to talk about me. But people will talk. But I can make sure that all of what they say isn't true. So to you, Cassie my dear, I haven't said anything about you. I think it's kind of wrong that you unfriended me from FB, but that was your choice. All I ever wanted to do was to push you to be successful. I want the best for you, and to be honest, I don't think you rolling around with the people you are with will help you reach your full potential. Somewhere in you, I believe there is a good person. I believe you can do great things and be truly happy. I don't think Jeff is going to get your there, nor Christine, nor Nettie. All I ever wanted you to do was to try to go back to school. Enroll in City. Get some sort of higher education. Get a job to support yourself, so you don't have to rely on Jeff and his family. In the end, do you think it's really smart to not be able to provide for yourself? This may be where you're at now, but I hope you can see that's all I wanted, and prolly what Dessa wanted as well.
Maybe I should look for a job. It'll give me something else to do.
I try to stay out of drama. I try to not put myself in a position where people feel the need to talk about me. But people will talk. But I can make sure that all of what they say isn't true. So to you, Cassie my dear, I haven't said anything about you. I think it's kind of wrong that you unfriended me from FB, but that was your choice. All I ever wanted to do was to push you to be successful. I want the best for you, and to be honest, I don't think you rolling around with the people you are with will help you reach your full potential. Somewhere in you, I believe there is a good person. I believe you can do great things and be truly happy. I don't think Jeff is going to get your there, nor Christine, nor Nettie. All I ever wanted you to do was to try to go back to school. Enroll in City. Get some sort of higher education. Get a job to support yourself, so you don't have to rely on Jeff and his family. In the end, do you think it's really smart to not be able to provide for yourself? This may be where you're at now, but I hope you can see that's all I wanted, and prolly what Dessa wanted as well.
Maybe I should look for a job. It'll give me something else to do.
Saturday, April 2
Spring Break!!
I've had a really awesome spring break. It's the best thing being an older sister. I loved bonding with my sister on a new level recently. She's growing up, and I'm kinda sad that soon I'm not gonna always be there for her like Desiree was for me. =/
I didn't really go out with friends or anything like I had originally wanted to, but it's okay. I had plenty of fun being home with my family. I'm still kinna upset at Katy. Granted she didn't go, but she didn't text me back either. And I believe she could've. Oh well. I'll be doing more in the next few weeks with other friends.
Trips. I have the travel bug. I've realized how much I love to travel. I want to go somewhere alla time. As much as I love being around family, I dislike being home alla time. We need a family vacation. We haven't had one in YEARS. Just us family doing things, having fun. I miss it.
And similarly on that note, I wanna go places with Stan. For our half year that is coming up in August, I wanna go back to LA. Maybe to Hollywood Studios. Just for a weekend. But on the same note I should be saving monies for wedding, house, bigger trips, etc. So maybe I'll stay somewhere closer. We'll see what happens.
I'm buckling down for school. No more playing around. Get this shit and get it done Jazminn.
I didn't really go out with friends or anything like I had originally wanted to, but it's okay. I had plenty of fun being home with my family. I'm still kinna upset at Katy. Granted she didn't go, but she didn't text me back either. And I believe she could've. Oh well. I'll be doing more in the next few weeks with other friends.
Trips. I have the travel bug. I've realized how much I love to travel. I want to go somewhere alla time. As much as I love being around family, I dislike being home alla time. We need a family vacation. We haven't had one in YEARS. Just us family doing things, having fun. I miss it.
And similarly on that note, I wanna go places with Stan. For our half year that is coming up in August, I wanna go back to LA. Maybe to Hollywood Studios. Just for a weekend. But on the same note I should be saving monies for wedding, house, bigger trips, etc. So maybe I'll stay somewhere closer. We'll see what happens.
I'm buckling down for school. No more playing around. Get this shit and get it done Jazminn.
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