I need sleep.

I've been so tired lately. All I wanna do is sleep. I wish I didn't always wake up early. But I do, and it sucks. So, where I should I begin ?

School, I need a break. I'm soo happy this upcoming week starts spring break, b/c I need it. I need to see my girls, my new friends, and simply sleep in and not worry a/b school. I have my art project due Tuesday, and I'm NO WHERE near complete. I have to do like, three saturation charts, and then I have to gray down my pictures for the saturation pictures. I must complete this. If I do, I'll be all good. I'll paint as much as I can 2m. Hopefully it's a lot. Turn in what I can on Tuesday. Then I can just do a saturation chart from then on out until the end of the semester and turn everything in. I gotta keep up this semester so I can get outta here. Then for Russian.. omgah. I'm like, so over this class. How sad is that ? Krista isn't making the class fun anymore. I was all excited last semester and wanted to learn, but now.. I don't really care. We have a test 2m, and I'm thinking a/b skipping it and retaking it on Wednesday so I can.. you know. But maybe I won't even do that. Maybe I'll just write a note out to myself and help myself thatta way. I'm doing really good in stats. I'm proud of myself for sticking with this class and not giving up. I'm doing alla hw even though it upsets me sometimes. And then health, blah. I gotta let my nerves go at the door before I enter that class. No matter what group I'm in, I'm always the one doing alla talking. It's annoying. And the teacher isn't all that good in enforcing other people to talk. She shouldn't let the asian people just walk out like that. If they try to join our group, I'm not letting them in. They didn't contribute. Then history. Omgah, I just sit, take notes. Love this class. My favorite it.

Boyfriend. Omgah, he's finally stepping up. He still has a week left of probation though. But he made a big improvement when he asked me to sleep over Saturday. I was super shocked. That NEVER happens. I always have to beg and plead him to do it. But these time he asked. I mean, we didn't go on a date or have any alone time this weekend, but it was nice still spending the night with him. Saturday, he picked me up and we went to eat and then we waited for Nick to come and get us cuz he needed to get drywall. Luckily we were there b/c he didn't know that he needed gypsum board instead of just regular drywall. Then we had to carry it. Omgah, heavy stuff. Then me and Nick chilled at his place. Then Chris and Ellen came over. Yay, another girl. We all got hungry and then decided to go to Hooters. I felt bad and didn't wanna order w/o Stan so I held up the process. We ordered hella starters. They were all sooo good. Then we laughed lots, ordered meals, ate up, went back to Nick's. We watched The Hurt Locker. Um, that movie wrecked my nerves. It was horrible. Too many people died and it was just stressful. Ahahaha. But I guess it was good. I stayed up for the whole movie. Then me&Stan came back to my place, sexytimed. Ko'ed woke up, tried something new. Went to eat, then he dropped me off. I'm sooo glad that our relationship is finally getting back on track. I love him soo much.

Friends. I'm gonna spend more time with friends. Swear, hands down. Spring break, that's all I'm gonna do. Ohh, I just got an idea. C;

I gotta get in bed now. I'm exhausted. I'm debating if I should go go to class 2m. Ahhhhh. We'll see what happens.

It's been a lot of days.

So, I really can't remember all that's been happening. I guess that means I should start with Saturday, since that's all that I can recall. Soo, I woke up and went a/b my normal morning routine. Stan just said to meet him at the condo b/c his mom was rushing him to get over there. I was upset. I get him once a week, and he was spending the time at the condo, starting renovations. I thought to myself if I should even go, b/c that day was Jayden's birthday. I knew that if I didn't go, I wouldn't see him until later that day. I thought a/b it, and just decided to go spend the day with him. Though we didn't really spend time together. After alla the work at the condo, he went home to shower and change, and we were gonna meet up later. So, around 8, he comes back to my house and we struggle to find something to do, as always. If I don't come up with something, there's nothing for us to do. So I decided movies. And so we went to see She's Outta My League. Ohh, I must remind myself that we weren't kissing the whole day, b/c I was upset. He asked for kisses and hugs the whole day, and I just shrugged him off. So after the movie, I gave him an ultimatum. He has two weeks to shape up his game. I'm NOT gonna take the bullshit, the neglect, the hurt from him. I'd rather just take the pain knowing that he's not there than the pain from us being in a relationship, if that even makes sense. So then, after that, we decided to go to the hookah bar to meet up with Paul and his new girlfriend.. Monica ? I think that's a hooker name, but that's just my opinion. Anyway, we were waiting in there for like, an hour. These people should make damn reservations. But even after alla that, me being squished and people in my personal space, Paul and Monica never appeared. So we went over to Nick's house. Drank some, woke up, and experienced the weirdest time change. So he just took me home and left. Next day, I went back over to the condo to help, but me and Stan wound up going to the Home Depot to look at cabinets and getting estimates for them. Sucked balls. Then we went back to the house, and I went home. In case you haven't been keeping track, yes, two days, one whole weekend, without sex. I am deprived, but it gets worse. I didn't get any the weekend before that either. Oh, what I life I live. What did I do to deserve that ? Maybe I'll get some this weekend. And if not, he can just forget it, forget it all.

Um, I've been doing well in some classes, super slacking in others. I'm going back to art class, but I'm super not caring a/b Russian anymore. I was taking too much time for my other classes focusing on that one, and now I'm like, what the hell is the point of that ? So now I'm focusing more time on the classes that matter. And I'm getting ready for the transfer. So HOLLA.

I should be working on my hw now. I have a lot to do. I want a cold drink. Where to get one ?

Getting over it.

There's no point in being upset anymore, at least when it comes to the relationship that me and Stan have. He's not going to change any time soon, and we only get each other one day a week, so I should make the most of what little time we do have together.

Yesterday was the first day I actually got to see the condo. Oh boy, a lot needs to be done. He wants to do it his way, and take months of work. If I had it my way, it'd be done in a few weeks. Just tear out the kitchen, replace it first. Then do the ceilings (but he'll prolly keep the popcorn ceilings), then paint. Lastly floors, the decorate. The end. I honestly don't know what he's thinking when he says it needs to take him alla this time. But whatever. He can take as long as he wants. I hate when people doubt me, but whatever. It's prolly a family thing. I know what needs to be bought for the place, and I have alla measurements. So.. we'll see what happens

I thought today was gonna be the first day of renos, but it'll be next weekend. That kinna sucks, but whatever. I'm ready to just go back to bed then. Stan is gonna try to stop by for a bit later on, and I'm not really all that concerned. He says some things, but sometimes it doesn't happen. My stomach is grumbling, I should prolly eat. Poptarts ftw. And I need to take s'more medicines. And finish homework. I cleaned up a bit in my room. I feel proud of myself. Taking initiative and all. Um, I guess that's all that I have for today.

2m is gonna be blah. I'm getting tired of school. I will do this damn art project if it kills me though. I just gotta talk to dad to get s'more paint. It'll be easier if I don't have to mix. Um, what else is there to say ? I just applied for a bunch of jobs. Maybe something will come outta it this time, but I'm not really hoping on it. Time to eat, medicate, and sleep.

I just gotta put out there, that you can NOT say that you haven't neglected me. That is a bold face lie. That seriously put a wtf look on my face and really made me just get over being upset at you. If you were really changing and whatever else, you would've taken ownership and say well I have in the past. But now, it's whatever. It kinna sucks that you don't even see it as such. I swear, if I put in as much as you do into our relationship, we wouldn't even have a relationship. I'm gonna neglect you for hours on end. I'm gonna say I'm spending time with family so that excuses me not talking to you. But I'm going to keep doing. I'm going to let it build up. Then I want you to go back and tell me what it is like. To feel like you're not as important as alla these other things.

Ugh

So, after recovering from a ridculous cold, I got ANOTHER one. FMLx1800. I'm taking Mucinex and this bitch better go away. It's super early, but I'm gettin' a lot done this morning. Laundry. Cleaned my room up. I should clean the cage, but I'm tired of doing it by myself. I really just gotta empty the litter box. And then add more bedding to the cage. This new litter box is bomb. I lalalalalove it.

It's 10, and I feel myself getting upset b/c Stan isn't awake yet. Maybe I'll watch some Burn Notice as I wait for him to wake up. We were s'posed to go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium today, but it's far, and I didn't realize that the hours HELLA suck, (10-5), so it's kinna pointless. Maybe we'll go to the Tech Museum in San Jose. Museums seem to be our new thing. I can't wait to see him, it doesn't even matter what the hell we're doing today. I just miss him so.

Rantation

I love when I make up alla these weird words. Ahah. So the psycho bitch in Russian didn't come to class today. Good, I think. I want her to say something to me. I really do. She wants to be ghetto, but doesn't know that I was born & raised in the 'hood and I can be a real 'hood star if needed. But, I like to stick to my good side and not be that way. I hope she doesn't push my buttons. I'm going to art 2m, even if it KILLS me. I must, must go. Unless it's cancelled b/c of the rally. I hope it is. But that damn teacher prolly won't even do it. Katt's out at 11 2m. I can have her chill w/ me in the library for a bit while I draw my boxes, and then I'll go to class for a bit. We have a while to decide. And then she can just chill for an hour while I sit in that class. Omgah. I hate it so much. I just can't sit in a class for that long and paint. I have a stats test on Friday. I think I'm gonna do okay. I did okay on the last one. I just gotta remember what alla the equations are. I'll do a quick label before I take again. Erasers are the shit. I got a 31 on my history midterm. Idk if that's good or bad. I think I missed a lot. I'm not so happy with that. Cuz I SUPER studied for that one. This is why I don't study. B/c when I do study and fail like this, I get hella sad. If I don't study and fail, I'm like ehh, I didn't study, so it doesn't really matter. My history teacher today was BOMB. She cussed up a storm and I LOVED it. She's such a cool teacher. Def my fave of this semester. My health teacher isn't all that structured. She's kinna.. lax, and I don't really like that. And there's this guy in the class, Wayne, he's such an ass kisser. Gotta speak out on EVERYTHING. And ask questions a/b things that weren't even mentioned.

Something big could be happening, and if it is, I gotta get it taken care of. And that could be difficult for me and Stan's relationship. But I think I could get something outta this, emotionally, that I wasn't getting before.

Spending 2m with Katy and Daniella. Then seeing Stan for a bit just cuz I miss him. And we need some time together after our not so smooth Saturday with alla the talking and hesitating. Hopefully it'll be distressful. Then home to chill before my stats test and history class.

Ohh ! I'm looking forward to my care package from meng. I can't wait. I wonder what's in it ! I hate surprises. Ugh. But I know whatever it is, it'll be lovely. And I hope it comes in another special envelope. The one that my stickers came in was so decorated and pretty. Ahaha.

A written promise..

To myself, of course. I will no longer skip art class. If anything, I'll go to class and leave early. Just go. Do something. Sleep even. No more skipping.

I think Stan's finally getting it. Maybe, I hope. He's definitely been better this week. But he may slip back into his slump over time. It's always a possibility, and it being a possibility means that it could happen. I can't believe it took what it took for him to even see what I was going through. Gahh.

I was cleaning my nose and stabbed myself with my damn nose ring. I hate this damn thing. Ahaha. But, I'm ready for a third tattoo, on my other foot. Maybe in a few more months though. I don't wanna overwhelm myself.

Thursday I'll be with Daniella and Beyah. Yay. The poor girl. She wants to go out more. It kinna makes me laugh b/c she was talking a/b Farrah on Teen Moms and how she wanted to go out and be a teen, since she still was one. But now she's doing the same thing. Hmm. With that, I realized that even though I want a baby, I'm not ready for one right now. I'm too into doing nothing with my life right now.

And I need to stop being so damn lazy with my schoolwork. I procrastinate everything. I was doing soo well in the beginning. I'll get back on track next week, no matter what. I must also stop myself from beating whoever that bitch is in Russian. She must not know 'bout me, I'll smack a bitch in 2.5 seconds flat. I'm from the hood bitch.

I'll make it again, b/c this love will never end.

I haven't blogged in soo long. I really don't know what to say. Um, a lot has happened, I'm sure, but I really don't remember it all. I remember me feeling really down a/b the relationship that me and Stan were in. But this past weekend we had a long talk, and I think he FINALLY got the picture. What was happening, I just couldn't accept it anymore. It was hurting too bad. But now we're good, hopefully. I'm really hoping that we don't have to break up. He was so understanding of when it happened that I honestly believe that now he's going to change.

I got my nose pierced. Ahahaha. That was fun. I was soo worried but I wanted it so bad, that I just fought the nerves and did it. Thanks to my bfffff. She held my hand. I got it done at Rubin's. In five weeks, I can take this thing out and put in a non hooked ring. Thank heaven.