I will.

I will get you back if it kills me.
I love you, with everything.

I'll be gone until I get good news.

Whatta bust.

So, Mikey's party didn't meet my expectations. Though I did meet some REALLY nice guys. Rodney & Allen. I didn't have a lot to drink, but I just mixed like alla alcohols that they had. That was a bad idea. Like, the worst. I was buzzed. Definitely feelin' myself. No yackin' though ! I had to stay up. I know I was talking a lot. I'm sorry Katt and Rodney. Ahaha. Rodney drove me and Katt to karaoke. He's so nice. I promised I'd call him today, so I gotta do that. Katt drove me & Jess home. She's a good driver. She worries about nothing. I love her driving. I wish I could've ko'ed though, but I couldn't b/c she needed directions. I made her stay in the slow lane though, and take the street from Jess' house. I got home at like 3, and was up at 8 cuz I had to pee hella bad. Omgah though, when I got home, I had to take the FATTEST piss in my life. Ahaha. I came home and Rodney called and I straight took a leak while we were talking. But I didn't flush until after we hung up. I went back to sleep but people woke me up at 10. So I guess 7 hours of sleep after a long night of drinkin' isn't all that bad.

I went to the art store to try to get alla my supplies & couldn't find two things, so now I'm looking for other stores that'll have my stuff. I'm gonna try Blick on Van Ness then Flax on Mission. And then we gotta go to Haight for dunks & Serramonte for shopping. Maybe even the Goodwill in West Portal b/c they're going high end only. But we gotta do alla this in about four hours.

I am SOO hungry. I'm like, starving. The last time I ate was like, around 8 yesterday. Well, I had a bit of Katt's chewy bar last night. And I dropped it under my car. :( It was soo good. Ahaha. NowI gotta get ready. Food first, but I'm taking it easy. I'm gonna have oatmeal. Idt I'm hungover, but I'm not feelin' the greatest right now.

Yepp, I'm doing it.

I'm gonna tell Stan how it is on Sunday during our usual chill after his work hours. I need to let him know how I feel for/about alla this stuff that's been happening. I love him dearly, but I don't think he feels the same. I feel like I've been carrying the weight of our relationship on my shoulders for a long time, and I just can't do it anymore. It's getting too heavy and I want to worry about other things.

So, I'm done talking to Nikita. He's just an Aiden. Ahahah. That was the funniest shit. Anyway, he's upset b/c of me and Stan's relationship and how he doesn't have anybody to fall back on like how we have each other. So Nikita, you can just hush your face.

I didn't send Zarr an email yesterday b/c I was so upset. I saw that he checked into his Myspace after I sent him like, four emails in the time before that. It's like, you have to check your email but not reply to ONE of my emails ? Whatever then. Don't be expecting a lot from me anymore. I'm over it.

Today is finally a day where I'm gonna be outta the house. School supplies is first with Katt. Then we're gonna wait for Jess to get back home, w/h can take who knows how long b/c she's never on time for anything in her life. Then we're headed to Mikey's partay. It's gonna be interesting b/c I saw that Joyce is gonna be there. I haven't seen/spoke to her since that incident, and now that her & Aiden are broken up, I'm over her. I love Aiden, and she was a bad choice for him, imo. He knows he could've done better. And why on Earth did he let her move into his house ? Geeze, oh well.

I sold my first book today on Amazon. I was all ready to go to the post office, when I saw that the book was going to a person on Libson st. That's like, five minutes from my house. I sent him an email asking if I can just drop it off at his front door or something. I really don't want to waste my five dollars to ship something that I can drop off, you know ?

I slept horribly last night, and these people are way loud in the mornings. I'm gonna eat some breakfast and then go back to sleep, hopefully. I don't really gotta be up until about one when I'm gonna hop in the shower and alla that other good stuff. I wanna be dt kinna early so I don't have to worry about alla people, but I'm parking at Stan's work, so I gotta wait until he's there.

There's a stupid Special Agent Oso marathon on right now. I wanted to watch my Handy Manny & Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Those are my morning shows.

I start school on Monday. Yay me. Ahahah.

Ugh.

I hate when the weather is bad b/c it messes up my mood. It makes me lazy. Well, I'm lazy anyway. I need to take vitamins to get some more energy. Mom thinks I'm anemic.

So, 2m is Mikey's party. That means I'm DEFINITELY going out 2m. Plus I wanna get my shit before school starts. Ugh, my textbook still hasn't come. I need to check with these damn people. This is gay. And I need to get that other text book. And I need to sell these text books that I have now. I'm hating school.

Um, what else is there for me to say ? I'm tired. And so lazy. Sleeping is what I love. I'm gonna eat a kimchee later b/c it's kinna chillay and those things are good for times like these.

I'm slowly falling for Stan all over again. But he still has work to do to keep me. There's definitely a difference between having somebody and keeping them.

I want an edible arrangement, and toffee frosty, and a big mac, since those commercials are always on.

It's Official

So.. Stan's actually trying. Maybe. According to his FB status he is. I wonder what he's planning. He knows I hate surprises. The world knows I hate surprises. He better not pull another Valentine's Day romantic thing. That would suck. I'd have to tell him about himself.

It's also official.. James' is off on his mission. Promises are gonna be hard to keep.

I just went over the syllabus for my Arch 20 class, and there's a lot of shit happening. I have to ask dad for about $60 just to get school supplies, on top of the money for text books. I'm not feeling this class, but I have to do it, and I have to pass. I have no choice, or else I'm definitely stuck at City longer.

I miss my LBO and I seriously hope to see her soon.

Just lovely.

Soo.. where to begin ? Let's start with yesterday, since something eventful happened. I went to Oakland for the usual hair appt. and had to be there at 6a.m. I was up at 5:15 for that, and as usual Joi was lagging. Omgah, I hate laggers. Anyway, we got there and went to McDonald's for the usual coffee before starting routine. I got another one of their hot mocha's. Those are surprsingly good to come from McDonald's. Mom made breakfast, so I didn't get my #2. Turns out her breakfast wasn't even all that good. I'm glad I brought my leftover Hawaiian for that day. Anyway, as I'm in process of getting a flat iron.. Zarr calls. Yay me. Turns out his mission is cancelled.. or it's postponed. Good news for me, I guess. It sucks b/c I've sent him some emails.. and he usually responds.. but he hasn't. I'm worried.

I'm tired of trying to impress Stan. I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you. I remember the whole argument we had when I was telling him I got a 'C' for my midterm grade in math and how he said that he couldn't be proud of me b/c the semester wasn't over. Today I told him my final grades, and the first thing outta his mouth was "That's the opposite of me." Wtf ? When he told me his, the first thing I said was I'm proud of you. Why can't you have the same respect for me as I do you ? You're very unecouraging sometimes. It makes me sad and it definitely pushes me away. I'm tired of pulling you back. I want you more than anything, but you gotta do some giving in this relationship. Do something sweet for me. Just ONE time. Why is that so hard ? Ugh. Anyway, I think he's upset at me now b/c I called him out on it. Don't be in the fuckin' kitchen if you can't handle the heat.

Now I'm upset. I'm hungry, but there really isn't anything good to eat in the house.

2m me and Stan are supposedly hanging out. I've learned to not get my hopes up about these things though. Shit always comes up with him, and then I wind up being upset. So.. I'll just let it play out.

Tuesday is Demonte's graduation. I told Stan, and i think he's possibly coming. Mom can't though, b/c she's going on a job interview. She's prolly gonna come with us to eat though. At least I hope so. I'm gonna be photographer though. I hate this shit.

Omgah, Uncle David, you need to be computer literate. Stop telling me that you're not ever gonna learn. Then don't come to me expecting me to help you do shit. Omgah, I can't wait to get outta here. Plus, alla these other uncle's of mine are rude. Rudy.. well let's just not talk about him. Robert comes around at like 2 a.m. screaming in the window of Uncle David for a cigarette. I'm just done with this house.

I wonder what it would be like...

I just gotta rant.

I hate these days. When I'm home all day. I hate doing nothing and feeling unproductive with my life. But it's good when I need to catch up on sleep. Too bad I couldn't even do that today. It's like, every time I nodded out, a person called or texted me. That shit got annoying real quick. So today..

CONGRATS TO RAYMOND FISHER-TRAVIS ! My little cousin graduated from middle school today, and he's off to Sacred Heart. I'm proud of him, but I know he's a slacker and he's not gonna be serious about school, esp his freshman year.


I went to Nick's a few nights ago and me & Stan got into an argument. I'm not surprised. I just think that Stan's become too used to me being "one of the guys" that's he forgotten that I'm a girl and sometimes all I want is to be romanticized. It kinna sucks, esp since I've explained this to him, several times. I thought about it.. and I'm seriously falling in love with Stan all over again. I want us to work. But Idk if we can do it if he's not willing to give me ONE night of complete romance.

2m I'm getting my hair done at 6 a.m. That's SOOO early. I think these appts are just getting earlier and earlier. It's gonna reach a point where he'll just say to come in at 3 a.m. It's upsetting, but I want my hair to be somewhat cooperative for Demonte's graduation.
-Demonte' is graduating on Tuesday. I think I talked Stan into going. I hope he goes. It'll be a step for him. And I'll congratulate him, and be soo happy.

I'm tired. I want some soda. Something dark with lots of carbonation. I haven't had a soda in a long time. I'm doing well. Since I'm not going to the gym, I'm at least eating better.

My summer class starts in about a wekk. I'm excited. I'll be outta the house with something to do. I need to talk to dad b/c I can't find this other book online. It's like, only produced by City, stupid fucks. And alla my other books aren't selling on Ebay. I'm gonna have to put them on Amazon. Idk how to do that, but it'll have to happen. Stupids. Ugh.

I'm gonna go on a hunt for snacks, and bring my leftover Hawaiian food downstairs. I also need to figure out these charges on my cell phone. Toodles.

Here we go

I had my interview today. It was all over three minutes. I scrambled in my car looking for change for the meter, and found two dimes and a nickel. I only had to put in that one nickel for how short it was. All she wanted to know was my availability really. Then I went over to Stan's. It started off bad. I hate how I have to tell him how's he's treating me. He should just be able to see it on his own, but he doesn't. I hate it. Anyway, he was so tired and blah blah blah. We went to the post office to mail my math book to whomever it was for and then I left. I came home and was hungry. The parents went shopping, and still haven't brought me home any milk. How rude. So yea, I was tired and wanted to nap, but Stan kept texting me. It was annoying, but whatever. Then that was my day.

I've been in contact with Zarr since yesterday and we're insane. He sends me these crazy ass long emails about nonsense, but he says it keeps him grounded so I reply. We chat on AIM whenever he can. He's an asshole, but aren't I addicted to them ?