Really?

So, this is how I feel. It's kinna unfair. No, it is unfair.

We just went through this big ass fight. Nearly cost YOU our relationship. Idk why I gave in so damn easily in the the first place, but that's a different story. Now you're gonna be gone for a week. Come home, be super tired, and we're not gonna get that much time together, cuz we have nowhere to go. So I'll get you twice. I'm not gonna say four times, b/c then I'll be getting my hopes up for no reason. And then you're gonna be leaving again to go back to Russian Lake. Um, does that sound fair to you? Of course it does, b/c then you wouldn't be doing it if it didn't. And as always, I'm just s'posed to sit here and take and not say anything. B/c that's the type of girlfriend you expect me to be. You know, maybe we should go on that break, b/c you do not have your priorities straight, and now I'm upset.

I can't remember if my work started at 1 or 2 today. So I'm gonna get ready now. Ahahaha.

This Damn Relationship

Omgah. Tuesday (yesterday, Idk what I said that) was the longest day of my damn life. So much drama, over nothing.

Woke up, kinna already in a foul mood since me and Stan were semi fighting from the night before. I didn't like the answers he gave to a certain questions I asked him, so I was just in a funk. So when he came over, I kinna was just expecting the worse. We haphazardly agreed to a break as we were talking Vasiliy out for a walk. Came back in to drop him off, then go over to the condo and clean it out. Omgah, that was a damn process. Mainly for him, b/c I just sat there and did nothing. So, Stan basically said that he wanted to take a break since he felt like we needed time to think about our relationship. He said things to the extent of we need space to see if this is what we want, to live separate lives. After a ton of crying, of me thinking that a break will only lead to break up, of me admitting that I was scared that at the end of the break that there was a chance of us not getting back together, we just agreed. After sitting in the car for an hour waiting for him to finish carrying everything out, we were on our way to eat. Sitting in a car with somebody who you just agreed to go on a break with is REALLY awkward. Like, we were sitting in the car, not holding hands, not really talking, no red light kisses. Nothing. I was in a real bad mood, obviously, since I didn't want any of this. And now we're at Sizzler. Sitting there, awkwardly. You don't know what's okay in a break. Basically we pretend we're together when we're together, but when we're apart, we act like we're broken up. Or I think that's what he was thinking in his mind. Anyway, after me eating hella random food from the salad bar, and him taking to his mother (I believe, since he was talking in Russian), he says I think we should just cancel the break. In my mind, me being a girl, my instinct was "Cancel the break, so we're just going to break up?" but I didn't let it show. I just said what do you mean, as I ate some salad. He replies with I think it'll just be awkward. Just weird. What will we do? And other things of that nature. So we were on a break for all of five minutes or so. Kinna upsetting. I wasted so much time and energy for nothing. But I guess it's nice to know where we stand now. Idk.

So after alla that, I really doubt anything will change. It's a vicious cycle that we're in. We complain of things not working, one of changes, and that's it. We really never reach a conclusion. Which is prolly why we're stuck in this cycle. I need to talk to him soon, b/c I don't think our new situation will be any better. No condo means no sleepovers. No sleepovers mean no sex. No sex means a very cranky girlfriend. Cranky girlfriend is a difficult relationship. So, I hope alla this shit works out.

I cancelled school. Maybe finding a vet school. Looking for a job. Had an interview to be a jagerette. I hope I get that one. I can do a lot with that money.

The Most Annoying Apartment Search

I don't know if I've mentioned this at all recently, if ever. I've been apartment hunting. I've been all over the bay area. I've been as far south as San Jose; as far east as Antioch. I've seen about a million places in between. In the end, it's come down to one thing. I've fallen in love with on apartment in San Mateo. I love it there. It's nice, dog friendly, no pet weight limit. I love it. It's nice, it's new. The only thing that is holding me back is my Mini Me. She wants to move in with me. No prollems there. I love her to pieces. But I'm ready to do it now. I'm tired of this house. I want to be on my own. I'm tired of the fighting with Joi. The useless errands with mom. Asking for money every other day. That's why I'm saving. I hope everything will be on the right track at the end of the year. That's my goal. I will do this. Another thing I should be doing in the mean time is looking for another job. I hope that the apartment community will have mixers so I can find friends in the area. Rambled, back to Mini Me. She needs to get a job. She has until the end of the year. And that means already have a job and have something saved. Cuz I know I have to buy furniture, w/h is no prollem with me. But she will have to pay me back for that, as she'll be on that as well. As long as dishes, untencils, and other bills like food, electricity, etc. She needs to chip in for alla that. It's not just come in with your stuff and be okay with it. I know I'll be paying more in rent, seeing as how I have Vasiliy. But that is nothing. She needs to be weary of her electric uses. Just be careful with that.

Recap from SoCal, plus updates

So, our trip was SUPER nice. Granted it was short, but it was very nice to have just that time of us alone uninterrupted. I mean, there were the times where Stan went super Mama's Boy and texted his mom after every little thing, but whatever. That's just how he is. We drove down Sunday night, got there super fast. Ate at IHOP, then found our hotel. The Springhill Suites by Marriott is by far the nicest hotel that we have stayed in. Super cheap but it was REALLY nice. Comfortable bed, kitchenette thing. Desk area. Living area. I loved the room. And our rental car was nice. A BRAND NEW 2011 Ford Focus. When I say brand new I mean it only had seven miles on it. We returned it with around 1500. Woot woot. So after we arrived and checked in, we instantly ko'ed. We woke up and then decided to go to the Santa Monica Pier and to Kodak Theater. First time going to Santa Monica Pier, and I liked it. It was SUPER small and SUPER packed though. It wasn't like the Boardwalk. I thought it would sprawl over at least a mile, and have tons of things to do. It was REALLY condensed. A few rides, but nothing worth actually riding. I do remember being called a bitch by some little ass girl. But besides that it was really nice. There were a LOT of people out fishing. I even saw these black dudes fishing. I was like whaa?? They fish? Then we decided to hit the Kodak Theater. Stupid Tom Hanks and his movie premier had the ENTIRE street blocked off. We couldn't even play with the handprints. So I guess that'll be for our next trip. We have to do Six Flags and Knotts. Maybe a few other things. Anyway, after moping around there for a bit, we went to the Disney store that's across the street that has the BEST desserts. Yum. And then we decided to go back to the hotel. Hollaaa! Showered, slept. Woke up the next day excited for Universal. Omgah, traffic in LA is a bitch. There was traffic EVERYWHERE. It took FOREVER to get there. But we made it and took off. We were everywhere. We did everything, saw alla shows. Rode alla rides. Ate tons of food that we prolly shouldn't have, but it's a vacation. You starve before it to look awesome there, and then starve after it so you can lose alla weight you gained there. Then we went to Universal City Walk to kill some time. That was also nice. Just strolled hand and hand. Saw a bunch of teeny boopers. Poor girls. Then we went to Pinkberry. So freaking good. I had watermelon with Oreos, Cap'n Crunch, and Kiwi. Stan got a cone for his first time. Caramel with mochi and strawberries I believe. And then we went "home." Another long ass drive, but worth it. Fell asleep after some time. Our last day was to the San Diego Zoo. Omgah, when you first get there and look at the map it's so intimidating. It looks so big and you don't think you can do everything in one day. But we did it all. Saw a few shows. Went on the AWESOME tour for a good 45 minutes that showed everything. I saw giraffes, so we all know how happy that made me. We ate some pretty good food. What I didn't like a/b that zoo was the shortcuts. Omgah, they were worse than walking the actual path. It had steep slopes. Crazy ass staircases. But whatever. After that for our LAST stop, we went to Roscoe's. It was so yummy. Then we came home. Super sadface. Ended our trip. G'bye SoCal. Until we meet again.

Now today I'm seeing Stan since he decided to work yesterday. I'm gonna finish getting alla my stuff outta the condo so I won't have to worry a/b it later on. Just bring my toothbrush I guess every time I go. Gotta remember my easel. NOTE TO SELF: CALL TO CANCEL ALL ELECTRONICS THERE. Make Stan pay for cancellation fees. He's renting it, but I guess it doesn't matter. My goal for today is to tell him EVERYTHING a/b how I feel. No holding back, if it starts a fight, whatever. It's not fair to me to hold stuff in b/c I don't wanna start a fight. Sometimes a fight needs to happen then.

School starts soon. No more slacking off. Promise myself. Will do this. Without a motha fucking doubt bitch.
Look for another job. Just something extra to supplement the Princess job.
Now time for a shower.